


chiseled out of brick

by brandywine421



Series: chiseled out of brick 'verse [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-09
Updated: 2013-05-03
Packaged: 2017-12-08 00:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/754852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brandywine421/pseuds/brandywine421
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was a grown man, hell, he was a superhero. Asking a girl out for a drink wasn't that hard. It wasn't rocket science or espionage or math or divine intervention - it was just asking a girl a question. Out loud.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't know anything about the comics or canon or Maria Hill's backstory and all I know about Bucky is from fanfic. Still, I hope some of you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> So this started as a silly little fic about Maria and Steve hanging out and somehow it turned into a thing. It sort of wrote itself in 3 parts so I'm splitting it that way.

 

 

  
_They say time will make all this go away_  
 _But it's time that has taken my tomorrows_  
 _and turned them into yesterdays_

 

**going for gold**

Confidence. He had confidence, sure. He could do this.

Well, maybe he couldn't replicate Tony Stark's swagger but he could absolutely hold his own.

Bucky was dead and he hadn't lived in this world long enough to make friends that he could lean on as a crutch. If he wanted something, he was the only one that could make it happen.

He was a grown man, hell, he was a superhero. Asking a girl out for a drink wasn't that hard. It wasn't rocket science or espionage or math or divine intervention - it was just asking a girl a question. Out loud.

He paused outside of her office, wiping his hands on his new jeans and nodded to himself. "I got this."

**space pants**

"What?" Maria barked at the door when the tentative knock disturbed her math. God, she hated math.

She and Coulson had written a 460 page proposal to eradicate the universal threat of algebra but it hadn't made it past the second review despite Fury's approval.

"Agent Hill?"

She expected the Spanish Inquisition before she expected to see Captain America. "Captain Rogers, how can I help you?"

Her voice might have been a millimeter softer than usual but he wasn't a cowering agent or trainee, he was a superhero. It would be like kicking a puppy. A puppy with a heart of gold and an ass of steel. She moved her hand off the mouse so she didn't actually click something if he turned around.

He cleared his throat and skirted her gaze, scanning her office. She raised an eyebrow. It couldn't be an emergency or he would have cut to the chase.

"I was thinking. That we should go out. Together. And have a beer," Steve said as if he was reading off a slow rolling teleprompter in his head.

Then she processed his words. "Oh."

"Um. So," Steve said, still avoiding her eyes.

She tried to remember if there was protocol for this. What protocol could trump Captain Fucking America asking you out? Hell, nobody could write a plan for that apart from an octogenarian in London.

Maria looked at him and sighed. _Puppy_. Goddammit. "Sit down and switch off the teleprompter and tell me what's on your mind."

He flushed, but didn't question her orders and took a seat. "I don't have a teleprompter. I'm not sure what that is."

"You can't drink," Maria said.

"I can drink, I just can't get drunk," Steve replied. "The drink isn't the point."

"What is the point?" she asked after a beat.

"I've been here three months. It's taken me that long to accept this place as my new reality. Out of everything I've seen and everyone I've met, you're the only woman I've wanted to ask out to dinner," Steve said.

She didn't have a response for that.

"Dating is not my forte so I thought I would go for the neutral invite for 'drinks'. That way, you take it as friends or as flirting, which is also not my forte. My only other option was a 'pick-up line'," he said, complete with finger quotes. "And I wasn't completely sure you wouldn't shoot me if I asked you if you were wearing space pants."

The laugh bubbled out of her before she could stop it but Steve's befuddled expression and resigned voice was undeniable.

"Laughing is definitely better than getting shot, I guess," Steve snorted, deflating slightly.

God, he was a fucking wet dream. Sweet and sincere with a rock fucking hard body - Goddammit.

"I'm sorry, Rogers, just, why me?"

He shrugged but held her gaze once she stopped laughing. Not giggling, definitely laughing.

"You're beautiful. And terrifying. You're a soldier and you follow orders but aren't afraid to speak your mind when you disagree. Without being crass, I like a woman that has balls," Steve said.

She was flattered. "You are so bad at flirting."

He smiled with a flash of teeth and she was suddenly fucked. So fucked. Goddammit.

**tubthumping**

"You were the only one that asked me how I was doing, after," Maria told him.

Steve was surprised. They had made it through a plate of cheese fries and three beers without a lapse in easy conversation, and only a little of it had been small talk.

He had no idea that she was ex-marine or that she'd clocked more combat hours than he had in his 'first life'. It only made her respect her more.

"I assumed you knew him better than the rest of us. Had you worked together long?"

"He got me the job. He knew I couldn't take another tour. He knew I didn't support enough of these new wars to do my best. I believe in what SHIELD stands for." She hesitated. "I believe in what Coulson stood for. He taught me everything he knew."

Steve nodded. "I don't know what I believe these days. I don't understand the politics or the new enemies; I don't get any of that. I mean, I 'Google' everything but we all know that what you get in the press or history books is never the real story."

"It's probably better that you don't try to understand it," she said. "Google?"

He made a face. "I know, it's ridiculous. When I came out of the ice and saw the date, I thought I'd be spending years in a library trying to catch up. Instead, I'm pointing and clicking on a sci-fi screen. I still prefer books, but my phone fits in my belt."

"You adjusted to 2011 better than I thought you would. Anyone else, supersoldier or not, would have gone batty by now," Maria said.

"Keeping busy helped. It's the down time that gets to me. Living in the Tower hasn't helped with the sanity part, I mean, JARVIS still makes me nervous," Steve admitted. "But it's better than SHIELD's microscope."

Maria took a long swallow of her beer, darting her eyes to him. "What made you decide to ask me out, really?"

Steve smiled, trying not to blush. "I like you."

"I'm a bitch. It's in my job description," Maria replied.

"You're a soldier," Steve said. "You're confident, beautiful, smart. Did I mention beautiful?"

She smiled. "For the record, this is nice."

"Good," Steve replied. "I was expecting to get rejected and going home to drawing those 'forever alone' cartoons." The internet was a scary place, but he wasn't afraid of it outside of Tony's hands.

"I like the rage comics, they usually suit my mood better at work," Maria snorted.

"Why are you single?" Steve asked.

"This job doesn't leave much time for a social life, plus it gets tricky to have an honest relationship when SHIELD doesn't allow us to be honest about anything," Maria said. She scanned his face with her eyes. "But since you're the biggest secret we're not allowed to talk about, I think you should drive me home now."

Steve thought it had been going well and she still had that teasing smirk but he assumed the date was over. She rolled her eyes.

"We drove separately. You can bring me back for my car in the morning, that's what I mean. I can drive if you need to Google how this works."

"No, ma'am, I think I've got this," Steve said, standing up and holding out her coat.

**slapstick**

It wasn't romantic and firework-worthy, not at first. It was clumsy and messy and hilarious.

Captain America was graceful and coordinated - Steve Rogers was definitely *not*.

She'd realized over drinks that Steve and the Captain were not the same. Steve hadn't grown into his body yet, in his head he was still a scrawny private too shy to ask the girl to the dance.

But he had a sharp wit and an easy smile, the confidence of the Captain in his words and not his strength.

He wasn't her type, at all. He was a sloppy kisser that couldn't figure out her bra and blushed over his whole body when she'd touched his dick the first time. She was used to the bad boys, the ones that weren't afraid to bite or bruise or talk dirty.

Steve was hesitant, almost reverent and his sloppy kisses felt better on her skin and his fingers felt better against her clit. He didn't speak about her scars, he kissed them with equal attention to her unmarred skin.

"Wait." Steve had pulled away from her suddenly, sitting up and staring across the room.

She laughed when she saw her cat, Mittens, sitting on the desk watching them with disapproving eyes.

"I can't keep going if she's going to judge me," Steve said.

"I'll be right back, don't move," she said, pushing herself off the bed to pacify the cat.

When she got back, closing the door securely, he had moved to the edge of the bed. "Okay, so, I'm totally embarrassing myself. My prior experience involved money being exchanged and a lack of foreplay. But there is one thing I am absolutely ace at," he said, holding out his hands.

She was curious and stretched out on the bed, raising her knees and opening her legs.

His hot hot tongue distracted her from making an 'ace' joke and she didn't know why he hadn't suggested this first.

It had been years since she'd genuinely climaxed but she was gasping and clawing at the sheets within minutes. When she caught her breath, he was laughing softly and she realized this wasn't going to be a one night stand. They were going to do this again.

It was comfortable. That was rare for her in a lover and she wanted more of her trysts to be fun as well as sating.

He stretched out beside her. "Now at least you'll have one good memory of tonight."

She straddled him and pushed his shoulders against the bed, leaning down to kiss him. She liked driving best.

**whisper**

It was an easy decision to keep their 'relationship' a secret. Maria wanted to call it an 'arrangement' but he insisted on the correction after the fourth date.

SHIELD wasn't like the army, but interoffice dating was frowned upon and neither of them wanted to face Fury's Cyclops wrath if they were outed.

The new relationship couldn't survive a formal reprimand and Steve wanted to see how long it could run before they had to face that kind of decision.

He liked her. He liked her a lot and he thought she liked him back. She hadn't turned down a follow up date yet and she never let him leave before breakfast.

They were soldiers, there was no time for hand-holding and cuddling in battle, that was for off duty.

They made a point not to discuss work or The Avengers off duty. The job never changed, she still snarked with Tony and hissed at Natasha and Steve continued to back his team against Fury's outrageous demands. Work didn't change but everything else did. He had another tether to this life, his second life.

Peggy was his first love, but Maria made him believe that she wouldn't be his only love. Maria made him feel comfortable in this brave new world. She liked Steve, not Captain America and she gave him hope that he could have some kind of life outside of war.

They didn't sneak into closets or empty offices for make-outs like on TV; they acknowledged each other in the hallways and exchanged small talk across conference tables. When she finished her paperwork and top secret meetings and he finished training and talking strategy with suits, they went for drinks. Etcetera.

It was enough. It was more than he ever hoped to have after the serum.

Maria's hidden glances and soft smiles got him through the day and her hot kisses and feisty lovemaking were everything after hours. Every time he spooned with her with his big hands laced over her smooth belly, he knew that Bucky was giving him a 'thumbs up' from beyond.

**friends**

Bruce grabbed his wrist across the counter with a speed Steve didn't expect. Steve stared at his hand and saw the faded club stamp on his hand. Faded, not vanished. "We've been wondering where you sneak off to at night but clubbing was not on the list of theories. Sit."

Steve was the leader of the team but everyone on the team was older than he was out of the ice. He sat.

"I didn't realize I was missed," Steve said as Bruce sipped his tea and watched him. "JARVIS knew I was leaving."

"And JARVIS tells Tony everything," Bruce replied.

"Do I have a curfew?" Steve asked.

Bruce smiled. "No, Steve. But just like me, you're property of the US government and regardless of what SHIELD tells us, we're always watched. You're lucky Fury hasn't pulled you in already but Tony hoards intel."

Steve hadn't considered Tony was tracking him.

"You're different," Bruce said. "You laugh more, you catch more references and Clint swears you skipped training three days last week."

"It's not required training, how does Clint even know?" Steve asked.

"Because you've been a creature of habit since we've known you. It's been the only way we've been able to judge how you're dealing with all this. You know, 2012," Bruce said.

Steve had to tell him something. He felt awful that they were worrying but he enjoyed his time with Maria too much to give it up yet.

"What's going on with you?" Bruce asked softly.

"It's...I can't tell you. Not everything, or much at all," Steve said finally. "I made a friend."

"A friend," Bruce repeated.

Steve nodded. "I met this friend at SHIELD. We hang out off the clock. We wouldn't be able to if anyone knew about it," he said carefully.

Bruce's eyebrows went up. "Damn, Steve, why didn't you just say you had a girl..."

"I didn't say that. Bruce," Steve sighed. "I didn't know I was being tracked, I thought we took care of that."

"No one's followed you yet as far as I know, we were worried you'd taken up cagefighting or something."

"I am not Ryan Atwood," Steve said.

Bruce laughed and patted his wrist. "No, you're not, Cap."

"I hate lying," Steve sighed.

"I'll cover for you," Bruce said, sobering. "But you gotta give me a little something back. You keep your phone on - always - and you switch out your bike before you go out on the town. It's just asking to get caught."

Steve blinked at him. "Are you going to tell me about the birds and the bees now?"

Bruce snorted. "Didn't mean to lapse into a lecture there."

"You're right, though. Thanks, Bruce. When I'm able...I will tell you, I'll tell you all. But it's...new."

Bruce nodded, tapping his hand. "At least you got to dance with this one, didn't you?"

Steve smiled. "Dancing's a word for it. It's different than I remember it. A lot different."

"Probably harder these days."

Steve considered it. "That's what she said."

**chain of command**

Fury and Stark had been arguing for hours behind the locked office door and Maria had been fighting her headache for much longer. Natasha and Clint were popping rubber bands at each other in an epic battle of boredom in the corner and Bruce was napping across the bench by the exit.

Steve had his head pillowed on his folded arms and his blue eyes skimmed over each of his team every few minutes without looking at the office.

She hated the politics behind the scenes that Fury refused to defy and she hated the way Tony spoke for everyone even when they didn't agree. And she hated the idea that the bad guys had extra time to plan while the two stubborn men argued.

Steve sighed heavily and sat up. "Hill. Make the call. We can't wait any longer."

Clint and Natasha nodded their assent when she glanced over at them and Bruce snored his agreement.

"We've got two leads. Signs point to the attack going down tomorrow night but we don't have a target yet. If we split up, recon the two leads, maybe we can nip the threat before it comes to that," Maria said after a beat.

"We'll take the docks," Natasha said. Of course she already knew the classified details.

"Bruce can stay to fill in Tony when he's done pissing off Fury and they can run backup when we find the source," Steve said seamlessly.

"I'll deal with Fury after we've resolved this," Maria said, sharing a look with Steve.

"Game on," Clint grinned, visibly excited to get out of the office. Romanov and Barton were always ready to move.

She'd never worked with Steve one on one and when they approached the SUV, she preemptively prepared to assert her authority. He walked over to the passenger side and waited patiently for her to get in. He didn't open the door for her like he did on their dates and he didn't hold her hand across the gearshift. He started asking her about building specs and scrolling through his StarkPad for the recon details.

"Is this okay?" Maria asked finally when he focused his attention on the road.

He raised a questioning eyebrow.

"I mean..."

"You don't think you can keep up with me or something?" he asked, failing to hide his smirk.

She frowned. As if. He might be a superhero but she was just as tough.

"This is work. This is the part that's easy, for me anyway. I would have asked you for permission even if I wasn't coming over later for lasagna," Steve shrugged.

"Lasagna, huh?" Maria snorted.

"I got a new cookbook," Steve said.

Maria pulled the truck into a parking space outside of a bustling shopping center and methodically checked her weapons. Steve wasn't wearing his suit and she knew his shield was locked up in Stark Tower safely out of SHIELD's reach. "There's gear in the backseat, you shouldn't go unarmed," Maria said.

"I'll be fine. You're watching my back, right?" Steve smirked.

"Seriously, you should have a weapon." Maria wasn't going to drop the subject.

Steve unbuckled his seatbelt. "I'll be fine, Hill. I'm always carrying guns." He flexed his biceps and she had to bite back her laugh. They were working; she couldn't let him distract her. "Let's get wired up and see what surveillance can tell us."

Maria pushed a handgun into his hand and zipped up her Kevlar lined jacket before fitting the earpiece into her ear. "Comm test."

Barton and Romanov muttered on cue and Steve spoke over the mike after a beat when he was linked in. "Let's make this quick and quiet. Agreed, Agent Hill?"

She didn't know if he was testing her or making a statement to Hawk and Widow that she was in charge. The choice was on her either way.

"In the field, it's your lead. If I was into pissing contests, we'd still be back in the office with the bankrollers," Maria said finally. Barton snorted in her ear.

"Check in five," Steve said, smiling slightly and motioning for her to take the front on their storm of the castle.

**ballerina**

" _Motherfucker_ ," Maria hissed over the comm.

"Report," Steve said, punching the last henchman in the room and disabling his weapon.

" _There's a very creative bomb in this room. It's. Big_." Why did it always have to be bombs?

" _We're on the way to you_ ," Barton said as Steve backtracked to find Maria's location.

Steve skidded to a stop behind her in the hallway. "Took you long enough," she said. She didn't show a drop of fear as she motioned to the room behind her. The warehouse had been cleared at first glance, brooms and half-filled garbage bags were the only remnants at eye level. Then he saw the beams of light crisscrossing the space. Oh, and the bomb installed across the entire ceiling.

Maria stripped off the Kevlar vests and started a small pile of guns and knives before pulling out a zippered kit. "I need you to play stepladder, you up for it?"

"We should wait for backup," Steve replied. There were a lot of beams and a lot of lights flickering on the bomb overhead.

She held out a handful of circular mirrors and he remembered from training how they fit over the electronic sensors to disable beams. "I'm not pulling rank, but I teach the course on how to deal with this."

He couldn't tell if she was lying and he didn't have a better option at the moment. She watched him, challenging, until he nodded. "There's no room for error, you have to spot me."

By the time Clint and Natasha showed up in the doorway, Maria had slithered and curled around the beams and disabled over half of them. He was standing at full height with his hands holding her ankles while she balanced on his shoulders. "Don't move," Maria said when she felt him shift when he acknowledged them.

"Motherfucker is right," Clint hissed, walking in to study the massive bomb.

"They're clearing the area, ten blocks in every direction," Natasha said. "Where do you want us?"

"Could use your eyes," Maria answered. "Three more beams and we can get to the panels. I've only spotted three triggers so far and there have to be more, at least five because there are eight separate incendiary devices."

"Doesn't SHIELD have a squad for this?" Steve asked.

"Ten minutes ETA," Natasha answered.

"Timer says we have six minutes, twenty seconds left," Maria said.

"And you didn't think to mention that?" Natasha asked flatly.

"No need to cause a panic. Captain, three steps to the left and..." Maria started.

Clint walked over to Steve before he could move. "I can balance her better. Circus freak, remember? Let me up."

**sharing is caring**

"Done," Maria said, relaxing underneath Clint's steadying hands on her thighs.

"Nice work," Clint said. "Cap, use your hands and lower her down."

Steve helped her down easily and Clint backflipped off Steve's shoulders like a cat.

"Stark's going to have a conniption when he finds out Hill saved the day," Natasha said.

"I'm the one that's going to spend the next three weeks getting reprimanded," Maria muttered.

A flurry of agents rushed into the room and Maria set her shoulders and went to work as Lead until Fury arrived.

She lost track of Steve and the others, busy organizing the disassembly of the bomb and cleanup and it was daybreak before she made home.

She smiled when she found Steve fully dressed on her bed with Mittens sprawled across his chest. She wasn't sure how he would react to their teamwork tonight. She wasn't supposed to be on his team, not in the field.

Mittens meowed loudly and Steve's eyes snapped open. "Are you grounded?"

"Nothing exploded, there's only so much Nick can reprimand me for without property damage or casualties," she replied.

Steve carefully removed Mittens with a dissident sound from the cat and stood up, embracing her in a fluid movement. He pulled her close and caught her bottom lip in his teeth, kissing her hard enough to push her back into his hands.

"I want to know everything about you, where you learned how to move like that, how you know how to defuse explosives, God, if you're a dancer - I want to get inside your head and map every piece of you," he gasped into her mouth, putting his hands on her ass and lifting her off her feet. Her legs found their way around his waist and she could feel his erection against her, ready to slot into place.

"Demanding tonight," she said, bouncing as he dropped her on the bed and went to work on her zippers and snaps.

"You're driving me crazy," Steve said and she raised her hips so he could peel off her pants. "I want to know what makes you tick, I want everything."

"Everything?" she gasped when he slid the first finger inside.

"Anything," he answered. "Everything."

**percussion**

Things changed after the bomb. Natasha and Clint stopped bucking Maria's authority for kicks and Tony started approaching her with complaints and unasked for advice instead of Fury. The weird thing was that Fury allowed it.

She had earned the Avengers' trust, followed orders and created a bond that Coulson would have been proud of.

The team had a few good months. Maria and Steve had a few great ones.

But the calm before the storm adage proved true once again when The Winter Soldier memo crossed her desk.

James Buchanan Barnes aka The Winter Soldier aka Steve Rogers' BFF.

_Jesus_. Steve was going to flip out.

Steve was adjusting, he had adjusted. He wasn't hiding in his room using Google for social cues, he was going to ball games with Clint and on business trips to foreign countries with Tony and the ballet with Natasha.

But she didn't know if he could handle this. She read the pages three times before she closed the folder and marched to Fury's office.

He nodded his chin for her to close the door, expecting her. "I see you got the file."

"Sir, I want this assignment," she said.

Fury raised an eyebrow. "Explain."

"The Avengers is my primary assignment and I believe I've done a thorough job. Barnes is a wrench I'd rather not deal with on my watch."

"He killed three SHIELD scientists when he woke up," Fury said.

"I believe the Hulk and the Widow both have more on their tally sheet than that. I would like a chance to see if The Winter Soldier is redeemable. Surely we can learn from him outside of a lab," Maria said.

Fury was quiet for a long moment. "I doubt your motives but I'm not going to argue with you. I was hoping I wouldn't have to lose you to this but if you volunteer, I supposed I can hold the bridge until you investigate."

Maria's surprised but doesn't show it.

"See what's salvageable and then report back. I'll give you three weeks," Fury said, waving her out of his office.

Three weeks. She had three weeks to fix Bucky Barnes so he didn't break Steve Rogers.

She locked the door to her office and made her arrangements. Transportation, clothes, budget, delegation of paperwork.

She should tell Steve. He deserved to know. If she didn't tell him, she would be proving all of his fears about SHIELD correct.

But if she told him, she wouldn't be able to stop him from breaking the world to get Bucky.

This was going to be a test of his trust that she wasn't sure he could take. She didn't know if she was strong enough to be able to prove it.

She could control the situation with Barnes if she was on site. She could keep the experiments to a minimum and the treatment to get the programming out to a maximum. She would have to go all in and the only way to stay in would be without Fury knowing about Steve's connection to her and without Steve's involvement at all.

Steve hadn't been compromised by Maria, but he'd be ruined by Barnes.

She had to find a way to tell him about Bucky without getting him involved in the fallout. She had to convince him to let her take the lead on this.

She paused with both hands on the desk that used to be Coulson's. She would never be Phil but she would always trust his instincts. She could do this.


	2. Chapter 2

 

  
_Well now fallin' in love is such a breeze_   
_But its standin' up that's so hard for me_   
_I wanna squeeze you but I'm scared to death I'd break your back_   
_You know your perfume_   
_Well it won't let me be_

 

 

  
**trust**  
  
Clint cleared his throat and Steve waved for him to come in.  "Is there a..."  
  
"No, Cap.  I have to bring you a message.  Just.  Just stay sitting down for a minute," Clint said, closing the door behind him.  "JARVIS, turn off the mikes in this room, please."  The computer conceded with a 'of course, Mr. Barton'.    
  
A knot formed in his gut.  "What is it?"  
  
Clint sighed heavily.  "You keep your cards pretty close to your chest and I get it, probably more than anyone else would.  If Fury found out about..."  
  
"Stop.  How do you know?" Steve interrupted.  Shit.  
  
"I brought you a message from Hill," Clint said.  "She can't tell you herself, if the leak was traced back to her, it wouldn't be pretty.  But apparently, she respects you too much to keep it a secret from you.  Just.  Don't freak out."  
  
Too late.  He took the folder from Clint and opened it.  There was a single photograph.  Bucky.  With a metal arm and an SUV in the background.  This was recent.  
  
"He's alive.  SHIELD pulled him out of a HYDRA compound in Belgium and brought him back."  
  
"Where is he?" Steve asked.  
  
Clint reached out and took the folder back.  "I don't know, Hill wouldn't tell me.  She asked Fury for lead on the debrief.  The deprogramming.  She didn't want anyone else to do it.  Fury's already on her ass for getting too close to the Avengers."  
  
Steve knew that.  "Where is he?"  
  
"I'm supposed to ask if you trust Hill now.  She said I have to ask you."  
  
"Yeah, I do," Steve said immediately.  It was true.  
  
"She's going to get him back for you.  She's loyal to SHIELD, but she's not blind to how they treat captives.  She's going to make sure they don't treat him like an enemy, or an experiment.  She needs to take the lead on this."  Clint pokes his arm.  "She can get more accomplished than you can.  She wants three weeks.  She wants you to give her three weeks."  
  
"Is he...okay?" Steve asked, the words fighting in his head.  
  
Clint shook his head slowly.  "HYDRA...they fucked with his head.  Like Loki did to me, like the Red Room did to Natasha.  They unmade him."  
  
"Why did she tell you?" Steve asked.  
  
Clint shrugged.  "Natasha hates her and she knew Tony would suit up and bust into the compound if you asked him to.  I guess she thought I would understand why you need to step back."  
  
"I..."  
  
"Coulson trusted Hill.  She's taking a lot of risks to get Barnes back for you.  I think we have to trust her," Clint said.  
  
Steve sighed.  "I don't know if I can just walk around like normal knowing he's alive."  
  
"She promised to check in.  And you have to catsit for her.  Tony's pissed I brought a cat into the Tower but what are you gonna do?"  
  
Steve snorted.  "Mittens."  
  
Clint nodded.  "I know.  She was one of Phil's grandkittens."  Steve didn't know that.  Clint shrugged again.  "His cat got knocked up before he got her fixed.  Maria took Mittens.  I didn't know she still had her."  
  
Steve was beginning to see that Clint and Coulson had been closer than he thought.  Maria hadn't told him that, either.  
  
"She's in your room tearing up the furniture at the moment," Clint said.  "What do you want to do?"  
  
"I guess we wait," Steve said.  
  
Clint nodded.  "Whatever happens, we've got your back.  You know that, right?"  
  
Steve nodded.  It didn't help him feel any better about leaving his best friend alone in SHIELD's custody.  
  
 **itch**  
  
Tony was absorbed with his touchscreens but he muttered a greeting when Steve entered his workshop, even if Steve couldn't figure out what it was.  
  
Barton was on a job, Natasha had disappeared a few days ago and Steve didn't want to bother Bruce.  Tony didn't mind when Steve loitered in his workshop, usually.  
  
"Need something?" Tony asked without looking away from the rapidly shifting screens.  
  
Steve needed a lot of things.  "Company, I think."  
  
"Mm," Tony murmured.  
  
Steve would take it.  He sank into the couch and leaned his head against the backrest.  
  
This was taking too long.  Truncated texts from Maria that told him nothing.  Radio silence from SHIELD that skinned more of the thread of thin trust he had for Fury.  He could be patient.  He was trying to be patient.  But every second, another pin of panic pricked under his skin.  
  
Insomnia was the only company he kept with the 'classified' and 'personal' secrets broiling in his head.  
  
Tony tossed him a juice box and sprawled on the opposite couch.  "Delayed reaction time, it's a thing."  
  
"I hate emoticons," Steve said.  Tony blinked at him but he didn't laugh out loud.  "A lie is a lie, even if it's spelled with punctuation marks."  
  
"Okay, is this a 'less than three' situation or something else?" Tony asked carefully.  
  
"Everything is not okay.  Nothing is okay and a fucking smiley face does not change that."  Tony flinched at his curse but Steve didn't have the energy to censor himself.  
  
"Steve, I need a little more info, I didn't miss another conversation, did I?"  
  
He shook his head.  "I think this is the limit."  
  
"Limit?"  
  
"The limit of what I can take.  I think this is going to be the test that finally breaks me," Steve said.  
  
"Full stop, Cap.  What is going on?" Tony's voice was dark but he wasn't going to retract his words even if he should have kept them to himself.  
  
"Bucky," Steve whispered.  
  
"Bucky," Tony repeated.  
  
"He's alive.  But.  He's alive," Steve couldn't put his words in order fast enough to say out loud.  
  
"Okay."  
  
He closed his eyes.  "He was an assassin.  He was brainwashed, repeatedly and frozen between missions.  He's alive.  But he's not Bucky, not all the time.  He's...unstable."  
  
"Steve, who has him?  Do you want me to help you get to him?" Tony asked, reaching for his tablet.  
  
Steve reached out and stopped him.  "No.  Please.  I want to be there, you don't even know how badly I want to see him - but I can't."  
  
"Why the hell not?" Tony asked after a beat.  
  
"Because.  I can only get so far with SHIELD - " Steve held up his hand to stop him from interrupting.  "Listen.  I can only get so far without them shutting me out.  I'm not even supposed to know.  There's someone I trust that has actual power working on it.  I trust them."  
  
"If you trust them with Bucky Barnes, they better be shitting gold bars," Tony said, frowning.  
  
"There's only one person in this world that I trust more as much as you, Stark."  He clenched his fists.  "But emoticons are making it harder to keep the faith.  I have to be patient, there's too much at stake for me to screw it up now.  I promised three weeks.  I have one more week before I make a move."  
  
"Three weeks is a long time," Tony said.  
  
"He killed three lab techs when they woke him up," Steve replied.  "He only has one arm."  
  
"Jesus," Tony hissed.  
  
"He's dangerous.  I have to stand down and let someone else take the lead.  That's how this works.  Right?" Steve asked.  
  
Tony hesitated.  
  
"I'm not the best man for this job.  I have to wait.  If I tear the place apart to get him out, it won't be good for anyone and...I don't know how to fix him."  
  
"Does your mysterious friend know how to fix him?" Tony asked.  
  
"She can protect him until we can figure it out," Steve said.  "She sends me progress notes with emoticons."  
  
"I'll leave the 'she' question aside for the moment.  JARVIS, get me everything you have on Barnes."  
  
"Don't, Tony.  If Fury gets wind that I know about Bucky, they'll cockblock us all," Steve said.  
  
"Cockblock?  Damn, Rogers," Tony beamed with pride.  
  
"I want to know how long it will take Fury to tell me himself," Steve said.  
  
 **crack**  
  
It took two weeks to get the one-armed assassin to trust her.  It would take longer than that for her bruises to fade.  Bucky was a flirty gentleman but The Winter Soldier wasn't above punching a woman.  To the Winter Soldier, she was a threat.  
  
She was doing her best to keep the scientists under control but she consulted daily with the shrinks and the brainwashing experts that had deprogrammed Romanov.  They knew more about the Red Room than anyone who hadn't been there and slowly but surely, she was cracking through the programming.  
  
It wasn't in her job description but she was determined to get Bucky Barnes under SHIELD's protection and into Steve's life.  She wasn't supposed to make it personal but Steve didn't have anyone in the world that knew him before the ice and he deserved a chance to have Bucky back.  
  
She doubted herself every time she walked into the building.  Was this too personal?  Was she compromised?  Did anyone know she was doing this because of a quasi-boyfriend?  Was Steve the only reason she'd asked for this detail?  
  
Fury thought she was getting too 'close' with the Avengers.  What would he say if he knew how close?  
  
Maria shook off her thoughts.  She didn't have time to question herself.  She had made her decision and she was going to follow through.  Steve needed Bucky as much as Captain America did.  She didn't think Steve would forgive SHIELD if they kept Barnes a secret.  If they made him another experiment.  
  
She greeted the agents on guard and they stepped aside so she could enter the code to his cell.  
  
He was sitting at the desk, a stack of papers and scrubbed down pencils by his side.  
  
"Mr. Barnes," she said, the first check of his lucidity to see if he reacted to the name.  
  
"Agent Hill.  Is it that time again?" he asked, turning to greet her with a weary smile.  
  
It was good that he remembered the routine she'd been working on with him.  She came every day at eight.  "Did you get any sleep?"  
  
He shook his head.  She'd never seen him without weary bruises under his eyes.  "Keep having dreams.  Like those stories you tell about me.  About the war.  Before the war."  
  
"I think I'm supposed to ask how that makes you feel, but it's pretty obvious," Maria said.  
  
He searched her face with raw eyes.  "You really think that was my life?"  
  
She nodded.  "I know it was."  She made a point not to look at his stump.  They'd removed his robotic arm before she made it to the compound and considering their multiple bouts, she wouldn't convince them to reattach it.  The arm also distracted the scientists from studying Bucky himself.  She wanted him to consent to any tests instead of forcing it on him.  
  
"I'm never going to get out of here, am I?" he asked quietly.  
  
She sat down on the hard wooden chair by the door.  "If we can get the programming turned off you will.  We know the things you did weren't of your own volition.  HYDRA stole your life, they made you do things that you wouldn't have done if they hadn't wormed into your head.  If we can get them out again, we want to recruit you."  
  
She pulled a worn photograph from her pocket.  She would apologize to Tony later for raiding his father's archives.  
  
He snatched it out of her hand and she held her breath, not reacting to his dart and retreat with the photo.  He studied it, scanning the soldiers' faces and soaking up the images of Steve and the Howling Commandos.  They were muddy and bloody but smiling.  
  
"I remember this," Barnes said suddenly.  His eyes flicked to her.  "Where did you get this?"  
  
"You'll see when you get out of here, I promise.  There are more but I couldn't make it too obvious that I was nicking from someone's photo albums," Maria said.  
  
Barnes smiled, amused.  "Didn't take you for a thief."  
  
"You are very important to someone who is very important to me," Maria said finally.  
  
His eyes flashed in confusion but he nodded thoughtfully.  "That's how you know so much about me."  
  
She nodded and lowered her voice.  "I need you to get better so I can get you back to them.  That's why I spend so much time placating you instead of barking orders.  This kind of thing isn't in my job description but I don't trust anyone else with you.  You know what they'll do to you if they see you as a threat.  I need you to not be a threat."  
  
"I don't know how to do that," Barnes said.  "I'm trying."  
  
She knew he was.  
  
The door burst open suddenly and wow, who the hell was training agents this inept, but Natasha Romanov knew how to make an entrance.  Her eyes were cold and accusing when she glanced at Maria but she saw the flash of genuine concern when she turned to Barnes and spoke to him in Russian.  
  
Barnes' eyes shifted instantly back to the cold, dangerous assassin and his mouth curled viciously.  She understood enough to make out his meaning.  "Bitch is trying to trick me over to her side."  Before she could say anything, he slammed his single fist into her face and knocked her dizzy.  
  
Goddammit.  
  
Natasha seemed actually stunned and hesitated, something Maria had never seen.  
  
"Keeps telling me that I'm someone else," Barnes snarled, shoving the photograph at Natasha and sneering at Maria again.  
  
Her face hurt and if he'd broken her jaw it was going to be a lot harder for her to believe he was the man Steve said he was.  
  
"James.  You're James Barnes.  Bucky," Natasha said.  
  
"Fuck you, Romanov," Maria hissed, pushing herself upright.  "What are you doing here?"  
  
"James.  This is my James," Natasha said.  
  
"And he's Steve's Bucky," Maria said.  Fuck.  'James' was in Romanov's dossier as the only lover she'd ever taken willingly.  This was a fucking mess.  
  
"You know this bitch?" Barnes, no 'James', asked.  
  
"I'm on her team.  She's...I messed up, didn't I?" Natasha realized.  
  
"Are we getting out of here now?" Barnes asked.  
  
Natasha glanced between them.  
  
"You need to stay," Maria said.  " _Bucky_."  
  
"That's not my name!" Barnes snarled.  
  
"It is your name.  You are James Buchanan Barnes.  Bucky," Maria said.  She needed something to tether him back to Bucky and away from James.  "You lost your virginity when you were twelve years old in the basement of a speakeasy to a woman named Carolina who was three times your age.  You took Steve to her because she was kind and he refused to go in.  She had blonde hair and..."  
  
"A hairlip," Barnes whispered, his face twisting.  
  
"You back with me?" Maria asked, finally getting back to her feet.  
  
He stepped away quickly, visibly panicked.  He glanced between Maria and Romanov, clenching and unclenching his fist.  
  
"Shit," Romanov whispered.  "I didn't know he was Steve's Bucky."  
  
"I know you, I think," Barnes said to Natasha.  It wasn't James, it was Bucky.  
  
"In another life.  We'll talk soon.  I know what it's like to be forced to live a life that's not my own.  We'll get you back," Natasha said.  Her composure was shaky and Maria believed that the spy genuinely didn't know what she'd done.  
  
"Can you excuse us a moment?" Maria asked Barnes politely.  He paled.  
  
"Did I hurt you?  
  
Maria raised her hand.  "It wasn't you.  Not the 'you' I'm talking to right now.  I'll be back, stay awake.  I need to get your breakfast and we'll talk about it."  
  
She pulled Natasha into the hallway where the guards were finally coming to.  "He hasn't flipped in two days, he's been Bucky for two days and you storm in here..."  
  
"I didn't know," Natasha said.  "You should have told me."  
  
Maria frowned.  "I didn't know he was the same James in your files or I would have called you in to help.  There's no way Fury's going to let you in on this after that little scene."  
  
Natasha didn't react.  "Why are you on this?"  
  
"I don't think your team would be loyal to SHIELD if they thought we were doing human experimentation again.  Do you?" Maria asked.  
  
Natasha scanned her.  "What do you need?"  
  
"We need to get the programming turned off.  They won't let him go if he's a threat and he's a threat right now," Maria said, wiping blood from her face.  
  
Natasha nodded.  "I'll deal with Fury.  Where are the shrinks?"  
  
"Probably scribbling on their tablets in the observation room.  I have the mikes off inside the room but they'll have seen the reaction on the cams," Maria said.  
  
Natasha looked at her with softer eyes.  "You're in love with Steve."  
  
Maria spun and clamped her hand over the spy's mouth and shoved her against the wall.  "Shut your mouth.  I can't help any of you if they pull me and you know..." she hissed.  
  
Natasha didn't fight her, but she nodded.  Maria released her, knowing she was getting off easy considering Natasha's skills.  
  
"I'll be back," Natasha said simply, her heels clicking as she headed toward the offices.  
  
 **allies**  
  
Natasha dropped the file on Steve's lap in the common room and curled her legs underneath her on the cushion beside him.  She'd been gone for almost a week and Steve knew better than to ask.  
  
He opened the file and there was a new picture.  Bucky again, walking with Maria through a flowering park.  He raised his eyes to Natasha.  
  
"I knew him as James.  He was one of my trainers in the Red Room.  We were lovers.  He is the only person that I ever thought I could love.  We were killers.  We are killers.  I didn't know he was your friend.  I didn't know, Steve," Natasha said softly.  
  
He forced his eyes away from Bucky and spotted the bruises on Maria after a moment.  "Did you do that to her?"  
  
She shook her head slowly.  "Bucky didn't do it either.  James did it," she answered.  "He's in pieces.  They're trying to glue him back together.  Today, they let Maria take him outside.  She thinks Fury will let her bring him to New York tomorrow.  He's still a threat."  
  
"Where's his arm?" Steve asked after a long moment.  Bucky.  
  
"SHIELD's studying it.  It's not safe.  Besides, Maria thinks Tony can do better," Natasha said.  
  
"She's Maria to you now?" Steve asked.  
  
She shrugged demurely.  "We have come to an understanding."  
  
Steve sighed heavily.  
  
"You talk to her.  She knows things that aren't in any file.  She's using your stories to bring him back.  He's not Bucky yet, but he's not James either.  I trust her to keep him safe from those at SHIELD I don't trust."  
  
"What does Fury say about it?" Steve asked.  
  
"He doesn't know about you and Hill.  He'd pull her out if he knew she was compromised.  He turned a blind eye to Clint and Phil but he won't make that mistake again.  Be careful," Natasha said after a beat.  
  
He sighed.  He wanted Bucky back but he wanted Maria back, too.  He needed them both in his life.  
  
"She wouldn't do this for anyone else." Natasha tilted her head thoughtfully.  "We train ourselves not to care about anything other than the mission.  But when we find something worth caring about, we don't let it go without a fight.  She's doing this for you."  
  
"Why are you doing it?" Steve asked.  
  
"Him," she said, pointing at the photograph.  "He's worth it.  Names don't change who we are inside.  I think he's worth the shot."  
  
 **confess**  
  
"Who do you know that knows me?" Bucky asked.  "Because I might be mentally unstable, but I can do math and anybody that knew me would be dead by now."  
  
Natasha spent a couple of days with him, and nights, sitting vigil and Bucky had been better off for it.  Maria regretted keeping the sound off on the recordings but she'd made the rule before Romanov got involved.  
  
He didn't attack Natasha, the Winter Soldier had fixated on Maria as his captor and Natasha had been a great buffer.  
  
Bucky was remembering things on his own now.  James was letting Bucky stay.  He wasn't well yet, but he was better.  
  
"I work for SHIELD," Maria said.  
  
"You've told me that already," Bucky replied.  
  
Maria reached over and switched on the small TV screen in his room that they'd given him for supervised acclimation viewing.  Footage of the Chitauri attack filled the screen.  
  
Bucky's eyes zoned in on the spinning shield the first time it came into frame and his face bloomed with surprise.  " _Steve_?"  
  
"Everything we've shown you so far about the end of the war and the next decades is true.  Rogers crashed into the Arctic and was lost.  But a year, give or take, ago, he was discovered frozen, but completely intact.  He doesn't directly work for SHIELD, but he works with SHIELD.  More importantly, he's my friend," Maria said.  
  
"Is he...God, _Steve_ ," Bucky whispered.  
  
She watched him carefully, waiting for the shift, the flash of dark behind his lashes but he was steady.  He remembered.  
  
"Where is he?" Bucky asked.  
  
"Waiting for me to bring you back," Maria said.  Bucky swiveled in his seat.  
  
"He would have come himself," Bucky snapped.  
  
"He wanted to, he still wants to.  But look at me, look at my face," Maria ordered, gesturing at her bruised eye.  "You are not yourself."  
  
He looked away, a mix of frustration, guilt and rage on his face.  
  
It was a good sign.  
  
"Bucky.  I'm trying to protect him and you.  My ass is on the line here so his doesn't have to be," Maria said, lowering her voice.  "He's a superhero and things have changed here.  If he comes after you himself, he'll burn a lot of bridges he can't afford to burn.  That's why I'm here on his behalf.  If you can hold yourself together, I'm going to take you to New York and get you out of a cell."  
  
"Why should I trust you?" Bucky asked.  
  
"You've trusted me this far and I'd like to think you're doing better," Maria said.  "I know it seems cruel to make either of you wait but it's necessary."  
  
He clenched his fist.  "Shit.  _Steve_."  
  
She took out her phone and waited for Bucky to turn his attention back to her.  "You were getting better before you knew he was alive.  I need you to be Bucky and not James when we get to New York."  She dialed the number, feeling Bucky's eyes on her.  
  
"Captain Rogers," she said into the phone.  
  
" _Assistant Director Hill, hello.  Are you back from your mission?_ " Steve's voice was professional but strained.  
  
"I'm with Barnes, I'm going to put you on speaker," Maria said.  
  
" _You're with Bucky?  Is he..._ "  
  
"Steve?"  Bucky asked in a strangled voice.  
  
" _Shit - Bucky, God, are you all right?  Where are you?_ "  
  
Bucky's face brightened.  "Did you just say 'shit', Rogers?  Now I know Hill's lying."  
  
" _Buck - I don't even know what to say, there's so much - are you at HQ?  Maria?_ "  
  
She winced but didn't correct the slip.  "We're still in a holding pattern.  This is a check to see how he responds to you."  
  
"This lady says she's a friend of yours and that she made you stay away," Bucky said.  
  
She held her breath, unsure what Steve would say after the past few weeks.  " _It's safer this way.  I had to give somebody else the lead this time.  I'll come for you if..._ "  
  
Bucky watched Maria but accepted Steve's words with a simple nod.  "Nah, Hill says it won't go well for us if you bust me out, but she also didn't tell me you were alive until today."  
  
 _"I didn't know that - look, this sucks, Bucky, but are you all right?  Natasha says..."_  
  
Bucky winced this time.  "Not really.  I'm not all there yet, but I'm...I'm working on it."  
  
"I'll be in touch, Rogers," Maria said.  "I have some meetings and travel arrangements to make."  
  
" _You know where I'll be, Hill.  I'll be expecting your call.  Bucky, man, I'll see you soon, okay?_ "  
  
Even if this whole plan turned out to be a clusterfuck, it was worth it to hear Steve's voice break because of happiness instead of pain.  
  
 **babysitter**  
  
"Full responsibility, sir," Maria said, her posture perfect and her face unreadable.  She would never get out of practice.  
  
Fury huffed out a grumble and she didn't react.  
  
"Sir, the subject has shown great progress but he responds most to Agent Hill.  He hasn't had an episode in her presence in days," one of the scientists said.  
  
She winced at Fury's glare directed at the poor guy.  "Agent Hill has a black eye and a fractured collarbone."  
  
"Sir.  He's been deactivated.  He's not going to improve inside of a cell," Maria said.  The eye didn't even hurt anymore, it would be gone in another week.  
  
Fury stood up and walked over, staring down at her with his single steely eye.  "What's happened to you?  I need an unbiased leader, not a sympathizer with superheroes.  We have enough of those."  
  
She held his gaze.  "He served his country until his country deserted him.  I respect my fellow soldiers and you used to understand that."  
  
Fury frowned but he was always frowning.  "You're taking him to the Tower."  
  
"What?  I don't think..." she protested.  That had not been in any of the recommendations she'd submitted.  
  
"It's an order.  Barnes busted you up without his cybernetic arm and you've always been able to duck a punch.  If they can keep the Hulk and the God of Thunder out of trouble, they should be able to handle a one-armed assassin.  He can't stay at SHIELD out of a cell and it'll take too many agents to monitor him offsite.  The Avengers have been tetchy with you gone and I'm tired of fielding Stark's phone calls.  You will *never* forward your calls to my office when you're in the field again.  "  
  
She didn't smile but she made a mental note to thank Barton later.  
  
Fury gestured with a wave and the milling agents cleared out so she was alone with him.  "Do we need to have a conversation?"  
  
"Sir?"  
  
He turned his back on her.  "Are you using protection?"  
  
Shit.  "I don't think that's any of your business, sir."  
  
He snorted, sitting down behind his massive desk and regarding her with folded Mr. Burns' hands.  "Are you compromised?"  
  
She bristled.  "What exactly are you asking, sir?"  
  
Fury's face softened for a flash, his eye going distant before regaining his utter calm.  "Coulson was my second.  I trusted him implicitly.  He knew when to call me on my bullshit or ask me questions I hadn't considered.  You're that for me now.  You're my second, Maria, and I need to be able to trust you like I trusted him."  
  
Shit.  What could she say to that?  
  
"I knew he was with Barton.  But I didn't know they were in love," Fury said quietly.  "Phil died before we had Barton back, he didn't flinch or lose his composure at all that day.  Barton went into battle with the Chitauri without missing a step."  
  
He locked his gaze on her.  "They did their duty and completed the mission the only way they could.  And I look at you, risking your career and my trust to get a present for your boyfriend.  So I ask you again, Maria.  Are you compromised?"  
  
She lowered her eyes and sat down.  She needed to sit down for this.  "I'm not compromised.  He's not either.  Has my job been affected?"  
  
"Does Rogers know where you've been?" Fury asked.  She nodded and waited for the angry dismissal but he simply huffed under his breath.  "How'd you manage to keep him away from Barnes?"  
  
"He trusts me.  I didn't request the job only because of my relationship with him."  She met his gaze.  "He's alone, Nick.  You know how it is to go into battle with troops that barely speak the same language, depending on strangers to cover your ass.  It's terrifying but we got to go home afterwards.  He doesn't have that luxury.  If we want Captain America to keep fighting for us, shouldn't we give him something to fight for?  If Zoid or Berg had gotten the assignment, they'd have Barnes linked up to psychic scramblers and he'd be neutralized without a single chance for redemption - do you really think Rogers would still trust us, that any of the Avengers would still trust us?"  
  
Fury didn't answer but he didn't look away.  
  
"I'm not compromised.  I want all my soldiers to come back alive, whether I'm fucking them or not," she said finally.  
  
He watched her and it seemed like an eternity before he spoke.  "Fair enough."  
  
She waited.  
  
"Keep it quiet.  If I hear a whisper about it from anyone.  If the story comes out internally or externally, I'll have to shut you down.  I need your head in the game, not in Captain America's pants," Fury said.  "You haven't disappointed me yet and I'd like you to keep that record going."  
  
She held her breath.  This job meant a lot to her, SHIELD meant a lot to her - it gave her purpose.  
  
"Barnes is your responsibility.  If he doesn't fit, you bring him in.  The Avengers has been a functional, if unpredictable, asset to this country as of late.  Try and keep that record going, too, Agent Hill."  
  
"Yes, sir."  She finally let herself breathe and made for the door, hesitating.  "How did you find out?"  
  
Fury huffed.  "You didn't ask me to keep Mittens while you were away.  I thought you'd sent her to a kennel."  
  
"Blasphemy," Maria replied.  
  
"I don't want to see your face around here until you're 100%.  Work from the Tower and keep your good eye on Barnes.  Don't let him hit you again where I can see it," Fury said.    
  
 **waver**  
  
"Anything we need to know about Barnes?" Bruce asked Steve.  He was trying not to panic at the idea of seeing Bucky (Bucky) in person.  The phone call had shaken him enough.  
  
"I don't know how he's going to be.  Maria says..." Steve started.  
  
"Maria?  You call her Maria?" Tony interrupted, putting down the magazine he wasn't reading.  
  
She had sent him a text earlier telling him that Fury knew about them.  If she was going to be staying here then he had to tell the others, he needed their silence.  Natasha and Clint already knew and he trusted the others to be loyal to him over SHIELD in personal terms.  
  
"She's not Coulson, but she's done a decent job for us lately.  I think she's on the level," Clint said after a beat.  
  
"What is she doing on the Barnes case, though?  I always thought she was more military, not the other end, not science," Bruce said.  
  
"James is not a science experiment," Natasha said quietly.  A warning.  Bruce took his glasses off, thoughtful.  
  
"She did it for me," Steve said.  "We've been seeing each other."  
  
Bruce and Tony stared at him.  Bruce put his glasses back on so he could stare easier.  
  
"If anyone at SHIELD finds out, it'll affect her career and we'll have to get a new liaison.  I don't want that.  She did this on her own, she risked a lot.  We have to be careful that no one finds out," Steve said.  "She knew I wouldn't react well if I knew Bucky was alive and locked in a lab.  She knew I would tear the place down to get him out.  I stood down because I trust her."  
  
"Shit," Tony whispered.  "You didn't tell me Hill was your contact."  
  
"It doesn't affect our jobs or our decisions in the field.  We've both been to war, we know the stakes," Steve said.  
  
"I was in a relationship with James Barnes when he was an assassin," Natasha said suddenly.  "He helped train me in the Red Room but I didn't know he was 'Bucky'."  
  
"Anything else?" Tony asked after a long silence.  
  
"SHIELD runs off secrets," Clint said.  "We all have things that we don't tell each other."  
  
"I don't want any of you to be responsible for carrying my secrets," Natasha said.  
  
"Hill must care about you a lot to take on Barnes," Bruce said to Steve, redirecting the conversation.  
  
He lowered his eyes.  "I have more nightmares about the testing than I do about the war or the ice."  He met Tony's gaze.  "I know you have your reasons for hating Howard, but he was one of the only people that treated me like a human afterwards and not a science experiment.  No matter his motives, that meant something to me."  Tony skirted his eyes away quickly.  
  
"Barnes is fragmented.  He still slips in and out of the Winter Soldier programming.  He's stable, but when he slips, he's deadly," Natasha said.  
  
"So why are they sending him here?" Bruce asked.  
  
"Supersoldier, Hulk, Alien God," Steve ticked off.  
  
"Noted.  We'll get the details from Agent Hill to JARVIS so he knows what to look out for," Tony said thoughtfully.  
  
"Until he's found his triggers, I'll stay out of his way until he's better acclimated.  I don't want to break my anger management record.  We'll watch your back with Hill.  If she managed to get into your pants, there's obviously something about her," Bruce added, not hiding his smirk.  
  
"It's going to backdate so many jokes for this," Tony grinned.  
  
He missed Bucky viscerally and he hadn't let himself deal with it before or after the ice.  Bucky had been his constant.  He wanted him back in his life.  
  
But what if it wasn't Bucky he was getting back?  
  
"Steve," Tony said, catching his attention before he could think any further.  "We're here to help.  I don't let just anyone move into the Tower."  
  
"Yes you do," Steve snorted.  
  
 **roll out the red carpet**  
  
"Shit, Steve, don't be a pansy," Bucky said when he followed Maria into the main lounge where the Avengers were gathered.  
  
Steve's face had shuttered closed when he spotted her but his entire body crumpled when he saw Bucky.  She didn't stop Bucky from rushing forward.  
  
He shoved Steve hard in the chest and choked out, "Crybaby."  Steve swallowed him in a hug and Maria exhaled.  
  
"Agent Hill.  Welcome to the madhouse," Bruce said, moving to her side.  
  
"Dr. Banner," she acknowledged.  "I would apologize for the short notice, but the placement wasn't exactly my call.  Barnes is volatile."  
  
"Then he should fit in around here just fine," Bruce replied easily.  "Steve gave us a summary, but I hope you have more details for us."  
  
She pulled a flash drive from her pocket and passed it to him.  "You and Stark, no one else needs to see it."  
  
Bruce's eyes flicked to Steve and then he nodded.  "Serum?"  
  
"Close.  Those stats are beyond my expertise but he's definitely enhanced," Maria said.  
  
"Did I get this from you?" Bruce asked.  
  
"No," Maria answered, returning her attention to Steve and Bucky's extended embrace.  "They wouldn't reattach the arm at SHIELD.  It's a trigger."  
  
"What happened to his real arm?" Bruce asked.  
  
"We don't have proof, but I think they may have been testing his regeneration limits," Maria answered under her breath.  
  
Bruce's eyes flickered green and his lips narrowed.  
  
"I'd like to see if he can be rehabilitated outside of a lab before putting him back through that," Maria said.  She glanced at him.  "You seem to be acclimating into society better outside of SHIELD walls and everyone deserves at least one second chance."  
  
Bruce smiled softly.  "Didn't think of you as an idealist."  
  
"I will admit, your team surprised me when it didn't fall to shit when everyone moved to the Tower," Maria said.  
  
Bruce shrugged.  "Surprised us all, I think."  
  
"Maria, can I call you Maria?  Of course I can, Roomie, come over here and fill us in on our new friend," Tony called.  She paused long enough to grab the large case that held Bucky's Hydra arm.  
  
"You sure they're cool?" Bucky was asking Steve when she walked over and sat down between Clint and Tony on the couch with the case in her lap.  
  
"Kid must have a helluva right hook," Clint motioned to her eye before she could hear Steve's answer.  
  
"He's fast," Maria said.  
  
"What's in the box?" Tony asked, throwing his arm around her and leaning closer to entice her to share.  
  
Bucky barked out a sudden laugh.  "Lady, you could've just told me you were Steve's girl and we could have saved a lot of time."  
  
Maria narrowed her eyes at him but Bucky's laughter was honest and good-natured.  
  
"Shut up, Bucky," Steve frowned.    
  
"What's in the box?" Tony repeated, smiling at the exchange but not taking the obvious opportunity for a snark.  
  
"Let's do introductions first," Maria said.  
  
"I'll start," Bucky said, sobering slightly but steady under Steve's arm.  He gave a lazy wave around the room and Natasha almost smiled.  "Bucky Barnes, also known as The Winter Soldier.  Well, that's what they tell me, I don't remember a lot of anything yet.  I remember Steve right now, but later I might remember Ms. Romanov and that's the me that I don't have control over."  
  
Bucky's eyes were faintly wistful but he didn't acknowledge Natasha.  "I gotta find my triggers and that means I might flip out and you gotta take me down."  
  
"A swift kick in the balls works pretty well," Maria said and Bucky relaxed at the joke.  
  
"He earned that for giving you that shiner," Steve said, scanning her face until she rolled her eyes and he looked away quickly.  
  
"I'm Bruce, and when I get angry, I turn into a giant rage monster.  We know about flipping out and we will take you down," he said, offering his hand with his evenly spoken threat.  
  
"Understood," Bucky said, shaking his hand.  Steve squeezed his shoulder and Maria realized that bringing Bucky to the Tower might be one of Fury's best ideas yet.  
  
 **touchstone**  
  
"I should be really angry at you, Rogers," Bucky said.  
   
Steve couldn't believe he was here and he was real.  He was Bucky, his Bucky.  "Why?"  
  
"You broke the rules, you told your girl our secrets," Bucky said, winking at him.  He was real.  
  
"Not all of them," Steve said.  "I crashed a plane into ice and, well, I was frozen for a while, 70 years or so.  Everybody's dead, everyone I ever knew.  She wanted to hear my story and you and I had a lot of stories.  I thought you were dead."  
  
Bucky didn't reply right away.  "I should be.  I mean, it's like I was dead because there are all these holes in my memory and I don't know if I want to find out what fills those spaces.  People get hurt when I think about it too hard.  He nodded his chin toward Maria.  "I did that to her, Steve.  I don't remember it, but..."  
  
"It wasn't you.  I know it wasn't you.  I don't understand all that you went through, or what they did to your mind, but I understand you.  They held you hostage in your own head, it's going to take time for you to find your way out," Steve said.  "You have to let us help you."  
  
"Don't let me hurt anyone else, Steve," Bucky whispered with steel undertone.  "I'm not myself when I flip."  
  
Steve nodded even if he didn't believe it.  This was Bucky.  He wouldn't let him hurt anyone but he wouldn't let Bucky get hurt either.  
  
"Barnes," Maria said, catching their attention.  "I'm going to show Tony the arm."  
  
Bucky nodded immediately and steadied himself.  At attention.  "Should I leave?"  
  
Maria's eyes flicked to Steve and then back to Bucky.  "If we want to reattach it, you'll have to manage to be in the same room with it.  Know your trigger and make the necessary preparations."  
  
Bucky nodded and Steve didn't take his arm from around his shoulders.  Just in case.  
  
The clicks on the latches of the case echoed through the room.  Everyone was holding their breath.  Maria paused, frowned and took out her phone.  
  
"Trying to stretch out the suspense, Hill?" Clint snorted.  
  
"It's too quiet in here and that won't help him tether," she said and a familiar beat started from her phone's playlist.  
  
"I don't know if Jay-Z is appropriate," Steve said.  
  
"Jay-Z is always appropriate," Maria replied flatly.  
  
Bucky smiled.  "It's cool, Steve.  Hip hop's something that I don't have any past attachment to and it helps keep me in the moment."  
  
"Interesting tactic.  JARVIS, play it over the speakers," Tony said.  
  
Steve shook his head.  She knew how much he disliked her music and now she'd spread it to Bucky.  Not fair.  
  
"I'm good, Hill, let's do this," Bucky said.  
  
She glared at Tony and Clint in turn when they both smushed closer in anticipation of the box being opened.  
  
She folded the cover back to reveal the scuffed metallic arm.  He had seen the pictures but he couldn't imagine the apparatus as a part of Bucky.  
  
"How does it..." Tony started.  
  
He barely registered Bucky darting from under his arm and diving across the coffee table.  
  
 **strike**  
  
Everyone in the room was focused on the arm but she kept her eyes on Bucky and she saw his eyes shift.  
  
"Down," she said and Clint and Tony, for once, reacted to her words without question and dropped as she rolled the arm off her lap and kicked it under the coffee table an instant before Bucky slammed into her and flipped her over the couch.  
  
Her entire chest was on fire and she figured her collarbone was more than fractured now but she didn't have time to think about it with a hulking one-armed assassin crushing her throat.  She shoved her knee up but he twisted his body to avoid it and she used the distraction to slide her body from under his weight.  
  
"Bucky!" she snapped, as he reached for her again.  
  
"That's not my name!" Barnes yelled.  
  
She braced herself for his lunge but felt herself being yanked backwards by her arms.  Steve and Barton were restraining Bucky and she blinked up at Tony.  
  
"Is that how SHIELD holds Show and Tell?" Tony asked, manhandling her upright.  
  
She wants to tell him to fuck off but the pain from her shoulder was overtaking the adrenaline.  "Rogers, talk him down," she said finally.  
  
Bruce filled her view, crouching in front of her so she couldn't see what Steve and Clint were doing to defuse Bucky.  She took back everything she'd thought about this being a good idea.  She could hear Steve's soft words and Barnes' growling replies.  
  
"Where does it hurt?" Bruce asked.  
  
"He fractured my collarbone a couple of weeks ago," Maria said, glaring at him when he reached for her shoulder.  Fuck.  "There's a sling in my bag."  
  
"Why aren't you wearing it?" Bruce questioned.  He placed his hand gingerly on her shoulder and sent shockwaves of pain through her body.  She had to grit her teeth to hide her reaction.  
  
"Can't show weakness, right, Agent?" Tony said quietly.  
  
"Are you back with us, Bucky?" Steve's voice brought her back to attention.  She was working, she didn't need to be coddled.  
  
"Do me a favor and put that arm in the box before you take it down to your lab.  Banner already has all the intel.  We'll have to try immersion therapy in a more controlled location later," she said.  "Give me a hand up."  
  
"So.  That happens sometimes," Bucky said shakily as Steve and Clint release him from their hold.  
  
"Too much for today," Maria said.  "Steve, Natasha, can you take him to his room and show him around?  Introduce him to JARVIS while I brief everyone on the care and handling of Bucky Barnes."  
  
Steve raised an eyebrow to ask if she was okay and she nodded.  "Come on, Buck, let's get you some air."  
  
"Sorry, boss," Bucky said to her with genuine emotion.  He was Bucky again.  
  
"Get yourself together and we'll try this socialization bit again, okay?"  He nodded and Steve marched him out of the room.  
  
"You were right about the guy being fast," Barton muttered.  
  
"That's not exactly how I wanted to show his progress," Maria said, carefully pulling off her SHIELD jacket and sitting down.  "Dr. Banner, if you have a moment and an icepack, I would like your expertise."  
  
Bruce huffed out a laugh and left the room to get a first aid kid.  
  
"Holy ticking bomb, Batman," Tony said, retrieving the arm from under the table.  
  
"How's it work?  Because seems like the guy's got a split personality, but Natasha doesn't talk about it like that.  Actually, she doesn't talk about it at all," Barton said.  
  
"They're different animals," Maria said.  "Barnes is more robot than spy, they stripped everything out and programmed in what they wanted.  They repeated it enough times that his mind's scrubbed raw.  He was frozen between assignments, this is probably the first time he's been woken up without a mission already uploaded."  
  
"If that's the case, shouldn't he blue screen when he switches?" Barton asked.  
  
"Base instincts.  Escape at all costs, keep the tech secret," Bruce said.  
  
"There are pieces left of Bucky but the doctors haven't figured out how to make them stick together yet," she said.  
  
Bruce settled beside her on the couch and helped her get her tank top off.  She'd been in the military for years and it wasn't like she was nude.  
  
"Shit, Hill, what's with the Swiss cheese impression?" Tony hissed.  
  
At least he wasn't talking about her tits.  
  
Bruce blinked at her scars but redirected his attention to her shoulder and swollen collarbone.  
  
"I served with the marines before I signed on with SHIELD," Maria replied.  
  
"Yeah, we knew you were Military, but not as a dartboard," Tony muttered.  
  
"Tape me up, I'll change the ice later.  I've got shit to do today," Maria said.  
  
"You should see a medic, get an x-ray at least," Bruce replied.  
  
"Fury's already on my case about the bruises.  I need to stick with this job until it's done and he's not very charitable toward me right now," Maria said.  "Barnes has gotten the jump on me too many times already.  Sloppy."  
  
"More like lucky.  That kid's quick and you had control of the situation before I was off the floor," Tony said.  
  
"You got Barnes to Steve, that's better than a memory or a photograph to tether him as Bucky," Clint said.  "You can trust us to watch over him better than any of the SHIELD shrinks."  
  
 **cleared for landing**  
  
"All right, enough of the freak outs; tell me how you got with that firecracker, Hill," Bucky said.  
  
"We can't really talk about that, Bucky, she's our liaison with SHIELD, they'll bench her," Steve said.  
  
Bucky waved a hand.  "Like I'd tell them anything about you.  I don't trust them.  I mean, Hill's the only person that put up with me without jabbing me with needles.  She didn't let them put me in restraints or poke me without permission.  The other me keeps kicking her ass for it, but she...helps."  
  
"You called her 'boss'," Steve pointed out.  
  
Bucky shrugged and it looked so wrong with his missing limb.  "She's one of those dames that deserves the respect she demands." He smirked.  "Just your type, you know."  
  
"Shove off," Steve laughed.  The man teasing him right now had tried to kill Maria less than 20 minutes ago.  
  
He waited until his superhearing told him Bucky had lapsed into sleep before he found Maria inhaling deeply from a cigarette on Barton's preferred balcony.  Bruce and Tony said she'd gone to bed already but he knew their tells.  He didn't know why Maria would be avoiding him.  
  
"Hey," he said.  She didn't turn her head toward him and took another drag off the cigarette before holding out her hand.  He didn't need further instruction and laced their fingers together.  
  
"I missed you," she said, turning into his embrace.  
  
He exhaled.  "Thank God.  Me, too."  
  
"I know you're mad, but, I tried my best," Maria whispered.  
  
"What are you talking about?  Maria, you got my best friend back," Steve replied, confused.  "Why would I be mad, other than the fact you're smoking?"  
  
She smiled.  "I thought I could bring him back to you whole and the first thing he does is switch over in front of the whole team."  
  
"I think it was a good thing.  Everyone got to see both sides of him.  We know how to prepare next time, what to look out for.  JARVIS measured his vital signs and he's remarkably helpful predicting when Bruce is about to shift, Tony's going to tune him to do that for Bucky, too.  The more important thing is that Buck trusts you.  Without knowing you and I were involved, he trusted you."  
  
"How does he know that, by the way?  He was here two minutes and he called us out," Maria asked.  He could tell she was exhausted because she was leaning her weight on him, letting him hold her.    
  
"I have no idea.  He said I got a look when Tony put his arm around you," Steve snorted.  "I would really like to kiss you but not with cigarette breath."  
  
She snickered.  "Sorry."  She winced when she pulled away.  
  
"Are you all right?  He walloped you pretty good."  
  
" _And she's not wearing her sling_!" Barton's voice came from somewhere overhead and Steve rolled his eyes.  So much for privacy.  
  
"Fuck you, Barton," Maria grumbled.  "My collarbone's fractured."  
  
" _Broken_!"  
  
That caught his attention.  "You have a broken collarbone?"  He raised his hand to check her shoulder but she flinched.  
  
"It's fine.  I just have to try and keep my shoulder immobilized so it heals properly.  I've worked with worse," Maria said.  
  
It was bad enough she had that bruise on her face but knowing that she was hurt, that she had actual broken bones, that was different.  
  
"Don't get weird, it's part of the job," Maria frowned.  
  
"You're going to wear the sling," Steve said.  She rolled her eyes.  "I'm serious, Maria.  If it was one of us, you'd make us do what the doctors said.  No one will follow the rules if you don't set an example."  
  
"No one follows my orders around here, Steve," she snorted.  
  
Steve gave her his best 'judging you' glare and true to Tony's word, she gave in.  She picked up the offensive sling and Steve helped her loop it around her neck as an excuse to make contact again.  He missed her.  "Bucky's out cold, JARVIS is going to let me know when he starts to wake up.  Let me walk you home."  
  
" _Smooth_." Barton hooted.  
  
"God, I'm going to kill all your friends," Maria whispered but she didn't protest the confiscation of her cigarette or arm around her waist.  
  
"I had to tell them.  I'm sorry," Steve said.  
  
"Nothing we can do about it now," she sighed.  "I have to trust your judgment if I want you to trust mine."  
  
"Then trust my judgment that you need to lie down and let me coddle you," Steve said, guiding her toward the elevator.  "Let me take watch for a while."  
  
She curled her arm around him when they reached his room and leaned her head against his chest.  Giving in.  To him.  
  
She was becoming more than a girlfriend to him.  She was becoming more than everything.  
  
 **bond**  
  
Maria's shoulder and chest were killing her when she woke up the next say.  Steve is careful with her, even in sleep with his arms cradling her waist to hold her in place.  It took a few strategic pokes to disentangle herself and roll him onto his back so she could escape.  
  
Steve's shower was amazing and she let herself to enjoy it, shoulder be damned.  She might like the Tower better than she expected if the water pressure was that good in her own suite.  
  
She needed to check on Bucky but a quiet question to the omnipresent JARVIS told her he was still sleeping and that she was wanted for coffee in Steve's kitchen.  
  
The coffee would hopefully be worth an early meeting with Stark.  
  
Tony wasn't alone, his glowing girlfriend, Pepper and Bruce were all studying tablets at the small counter.  
  
"Ah, you're up, finally lazybones," Tony greeted her.  
  
"Good morning, Maria," Pepper said.  "Before he starts offending you, I want to welcome you to the tower."  
  
"We already did that yesterday," Tony protested.  Bruce motioned to his shoulder and gave her an approving thumb's up at the sling.  "Now is time for science."  
  
"We looked over the reports you brought us.  We have questions," Bruce said.  
  
"Are you wearing Steve's shirt?" Pepper asked.  
  
"They're bumping uglies, Pep, I already told you that, Cap's got game but I need to know how SHIELD removed the arm," Tony said.  
  
"It was integrated into his cellular tissue, it didn't just strap on, was it screwed in?" Bruce asked.  
  
"You're sleeping with Steve?  I feel like I should salute you," Pepper said, only half-giggling.  
  
Maria poured herself a cup of coffee and took the only empty stool.  "The best way I can describe the arm is with The Borg."  
  
"Star Trek?  Didn't take you for a sci-fi enthusiast."  
  
"Captain Picard is hot," Maria said.  Pepper offered her fist for a bump.  
  
"SHIELD defrosted him too soon.  From what we can tell, his mind was programmed while he was in stasis and waking up without instructions in a room full of strangers wasn't the best plan.  No one knew what they were dealing with.  His arm was fully functional as the Winter Soldier.  When he regained lucidity as Bucky, the arm stopped responding to him.  The arm belongs to The Winter Soldier and only he can control it.  When he's Bucky, the arm's not functionally integrated.  If it had been attached when he switched, you would have been able to see the metal and the flesh knit together," she said.  
  
The kitchen was silent.  
  
"I got you everything I could," Maria replied.  
  
"What exactly did they do to him?" Pepper asked.  "I'm not talking about the arm."  
  
"They mindwiped me," Bucky said, walking into the kitchen in a pair of sweatpants and scratching his bare stomach.  "Scraped out all of Bucky and crammed my head full of somebody else.  Boss thinks she can make something out of what's left now."  
  
Pepper raised an eyebrow at the 'boss' moniker but Maria was too busy frowning at Bucky.  "Did you have trouble finding your clothes?"  
  
"Guards in the bunker let me have coffee before they made me get dressed," Bucky replied.  "Ceiling guy told me where you were."  
  
"Bucky, this is Ms. Potts, Tony's handler," Maria said, earning an approving smirk from Pepper and an offended gasp from Tony.  
  
Bucky took Pepper's hand and kissed it with a flourish.  
  
"Hey, now," Tony protested.  
  
Bucky laughed when he leaned back.  "I guess a ring that size has to be Stark's.  Compensating and all that."  
  
Bruce and Pepper laughed but Tony narrowed his eyes at Bucky.  
  
"Don't get your knickers in a twist, I'm just winding you up.  Steve gave me the lowdown," Bucky said, holding up his hand with a smile.  "Joking just helps me deal with how surreal this place is.  I know it's real because even I couldn't make up this kind of thing."  
  
He turned to Maria, dropping the tease from his voice.  "What's on the schedule today, Boss?"  
  
"Coffee and then clothes and we'll take it from there," Maria said.  Bucky winked at her, took her coffee and walked out of the room.  
  
"I think I like that guy," Pepper said.  
  
 **fitting room**  
  
Bucky got better, slowly but surely, started put James to sleep and woke the rest of himself up.  Maria gave the credit to Natasha and Steve because they had a way of handling him that would have helped from the beginning.  She would have regretted the direction she took if Fury hadn't commended her privately for the rehabilitation progress.  
  
Plus, The Avengers as a whole had accepted Maria as friend over foe, which was both good and bad.  
  
She missed her own space, but she had an entire floor to herself and even if she wouldn't admit it - better tech to work remotely while she continued monitoring Barnes.  She was stuck on paperwork since Fury was handling the day to day overseeing of SHIELD but she was given the wheel during attacks to coordinate with the Avengers.  
  
It had taken a while for Bucky to be in the same room with his mech arm but Tony and Bruce had figured out the basics.  As soon as Bucky managed to beat it as a trigger, he had a new arm, lighter and more functional for things other than killing.  
  
Maria wasn't ready to send him in the field or present him to Fury for SHIELD training.  
  
The first major incident was the test.  She'd been buried in paperwork for most of the morning but got the alert before they called for the Avengers.  
  
She went to the main lounge where Bucky and Clint were working on his prosthetic's dexterity via video games and switched on Tony's elaborate link up with SHIELD.  There were ten monitors in the lounge and only three in her Tower office.  
  
"What's the story?" Clint asked, watching her out of the corner of his eye.  
  
"Unknown assailants raided a factory upstate.  First reports are describing them as hybrids, a mix of animal and human qualities," Maria said, fitting in her headset so she could filter through the channels reporting.  
  
She called out orders over the comm and when she glanced away from the monitors showing the raid, all of the Avengers were gathered behind her, all suited up apart from Tony.  
  
"Quinjet's on the way, get you there in ten.  We haven't been tagged yet, but better safe than sorry," Maria said.  
  
Bucky shifted uncomfortably and looked at her, visibly eager to get out of the Tower and help with the fight.  
  
"Not this time, Bucky," Maria said, holding out an earpiece.  "You need to see how the team works, how SHIELD works before you even think about going out."  
  
Steve squeezed his shoulder and murmured something Maria didn't have time to listen to as the call officially came for backup from the team.  
  
Clint, Natasha and Bruce left for the Quinjet but Steve and Tony studied the screens for a few moments.  
  
"Iron Man, work out the perimeter, we'll get the jet to drop us on the building and then Hawkeye can help you cover the civilians and block the possible escape routes.  We don't need Hulk yet and Widow and I will take the building floor by floor," Steve said, taking his Captain persona.  "Hill, SHIELD work the building up from the bottom and meet us in the middle."  
  
She relayed the plan and when she turned again, Bucky was staring at the jet and Tony darting away into the distance.  "That's...amazing.  Did you see his suit?"  
  
"Come see them in action," Maria said.  
  
Bucky moved to her side and watched the screens.  Iron Man appeared in the corner and started firing pulses and stunning the bad guys so SHIELD could round them up.  Clint dropped out of the hovering jet with a rope before the jet lowered enough for Steve and Natasha to tumble out.  
  
"There's a hole on Clint's six, southwest, they have hostages," Bucky said, squinting at the screen.  
  
" _On it,_ " Tony answered, changing directions fluidly as Maria dispatched agents.  
  
She gave Bucky a pleased nod and he smiled crookedly at her before refocusing on the screens.  
  
He might actually fit.  
  
 **commit**  
  
Steve relaxed on the couch, his body still buzzing from the battle and a rare low casualty success rate for the good and bad guys.  He wasn't sure what the weird hybrids actually were, let alone who they worked for but Tony and Bruce were bouncing theories off each other across from him while Clint and Natasha made drinks at the wet bar.  
  
Bucky was sitting at the console, flicking through the footage and typing notes.  
  
Maria was multitasking as she circled the room.  She spoke into her headset and moved beside Clint, wiping and placing band aids on his scratched face and arms.  
  
She was patching up her soldiers.  And they were letting her.  When she sat on the couch beside Tony, they were both talking but not to each other.  Tony was protected in the suit, but he was the oldest and Steve winced at the sight of the swollen bruise on his arm.  
  
Tony rolled up his sleeve and Maria placed a freezer gel pack on his arm and taped it down.  Steve saw Bruce watching her with an amused expression.  
  
Maria came to him last, sitting on the couch with her med kit and issuing orders about the seized weapons and tracking IP addresses.  
  
She raised an eyebrow at him, motioning to the scratch on his cheek.  
  
Steve put his hand on her neck and pulled her into a kiss, knocking her headset off and pressing her back into the couch when she didn't resist.  
  
"Cap, she's working," Natasha said as Maria pushed him off with an annoyed glare.  
  
"Sorry," he said.  But he wasn't sorry.  
  
She fitted her headset on again, muttering about a comm issue before moving back to the console.  
  
He smiled and didn't duck when Clint bounced a crumpled napkin off his cheek.  
  
He hadn't expected to find friends, old and new and a girl in a new millennium considering he missed seventy odd years of life.  But he could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyric tag belongs to Tom Waits' "Fumbling with the Blues".


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

  
_And you think I'm made of stone,_   
_I'm chiseled out of brick._   
_I'm a vase that shatters_   
_Holding such beautiful things._

 

**partners**  
  
Bucky got along with all of Steve's friends.  He flirted shamelessly with Natasha, and she let him, he bonded with Clint over video games and hocky, he played scrabble with Bruce and traded insults with Tony like professional ping-pongers.  
  
But Maria was Bucky's confidant, not Steve.  He annoyed her off the clock, poking and teasing her until she either laughed or punched him, sometimes both.   At SHIELD, he followed her orders with a coolness reminiscent of Coulson, only smiling with his eyes when he couldn't hold the mask in full.  
  
Steve missed her.  He missed Bucky.  He told himself he was being ridiculous for feeling like the third wheel all over again.  
  
He caught Bucky on the roof, smoking one of Maria's emergency cigarettes.  
  
Bucky kept saying that he was tired of people tiptoeing around him so Steve decided to try it out.  Maybe Bucky would talk to him this time.  
  
"You and Maria are spending a lot of time together lately."  
  
Bucky raised an eyebrow.  "Yeah?"  
  
Steve shrugged.  "It's just strange, I guess.  I figured you'd be stuck to me like glue, not Maria."  
  
"She's my friend."  
  
"I'm your friend, too."  
  
"She trusts the man I am now, not the man you knew, or 'Tasha," Bucky said softly.  "She doesn't see someone else when she looks at me."  
  
"Do you love her?" Steve asked.  Bucky blanched and shoved him, hard.  
  
"Why would you ever think that?  I may like the ladies, Steve, but I would never take your girl," Bucky said, offended.  
  
"You spend a lot of time with her," Steve replied, rubbing his sore arm.  
  
"She's like a sister to me," Bucky scoffed.  "She's my friend, but she's your girl."  He looked away.  "She'd snap my neck if I ever hurt you."  
  
"No she wouldn't," Steve snorted.  
  
Bucky gave him an incredulous look.  "You have no idea, do you?  You can't still be this dumb.  That dame loves you like crazy, not as a  puppy-eyed crush, not as a fuckbuddy, the real kind of love.  She loves you as much as you love her, dumbass."  
  
Steve stared at him.  "I didn't - did she tell you - "  
  
Bucky waved his questions off.  "We don't talk about you, Steve, at least not about your love life."  He looked away.  "It's hard sometimes.  When I hang out with you, James is like an itch behind my eyes; but when I'm with 'Tasha, he's more like a sharp knife trying to claw his way out."  
  
Steve reached out but Bucky shrugged him off.  "Maria helps balance the difference.  I don't have to fight to remember how to be Bucky, or James, I can just be...me.  James is a part of me that you don't know and Bucky is a part of me that 'Tasha doesn't know.  I have to find a way to weld the two together if I ever want to be whole again.  It's easier with her, Steve.  Please don't take that from me because you don't have the balls to tell the girl you love her."  
  
"She won't let me say it," Steve said, still processing the beginning of Bucky's speech.  
  
"Show, not tell, then," Bucky said, like it was the easiest solution in the world.  Sometimes he felt dumber talking to Bucky than he did to Tony and Bruce.  
  
He pulled Bucky into a hug despite his annoyed struggle.  "I'm sorry.  I know you would never hit on Maria."  
  
"And you should know that she would never steal your best friend from you," Bucky replied, muffled into his chest.  
  
Steve released him and waited for Bucky to brush off his clothes.  "You really think she loves me back?"  
  
Bucky rolled his eyes and shoved him on his way inside.  " _Dumbass_."  
  
 **warpaint**  
  
The bullet spun Maria around, her side exploding in a splash of blood across the consoles and sending the crew into a panic, dropping to the floor as another slug caught her in the thigh as she slammed into the partition separating the control room from the command center.  Her vision blurred sharp and blinding red, flashing like an alarm with screams for sirens.  
  
"DOWN, DOWN!"  Parkinson's voice was shrill but commanding and the sound dimmed the red.  The pain hit her like a wave, her body arching without her permission with the force of the pain.  "Hill, report!"  
  
"Take the wheel, Park, I'm down," she choked into her headset.  She was out of sight of the agents in the main room and the only other people in the control room were dead.  She tried to catch her breath and get to her feet.  
  
"Come on, bitch, you promised your mother you wouldn't die from a bullet and she'll never forgive you, she'll haunt you in hell with all the 'I told you so's'," Maria said through gritted teeth.  She was allowed to talk to herself when she was dying.  She blinked the black behind her eyes and tried to remember how her fingers worked to get her hands around her shattered thigh.  Standing wasn't an option.  
  
"You can fucking do this, goddammit," she hissed at herself and pushed with what strength she could find and it hurt - god, it hurt.  She couldn't breathe and her fingers squished in the soaking fabric.  She whimpered through her teeth and cursed herself but couldn't stop.  
  
"Hill, you still with us?" Parkinson yelled.  
  
"Eyes on the prize, Park," she managed into her comm.  
  
Agents swarmed into the room and she tried to gather her senses so no one would panic.  Because she was fucking panicking .  
  
" _Maria_ ," Barton skidded to her side on his knees, the soft splash audible in her dulled ears.  
  
"You can't call me that here," she said.  He pulled her hands away from her thigh and she felt Bucky's metal fingers grasping her hand before she could struggle to stop Clint.  
  
"Fuck," Clint hissed, pressing his hands over her side and she gasped and lost her vision again, falling.  
  
"We need the ringleader alive.  He knows too much - you have to take him alive," she said when she caught enough air to speak.  She raised her hand and pressed it against Clint's cheek until he looked at her.  "Alive, Barton."  
  
"I'll kill them all," Bucky said coldly.  She didn't have time for a flashback right now but when she looked in his eyes, he was all Bucky, not James.  
  
" _Barnes_ ," she said and he snapped to attention.  "You're not here to be an assassin, you're here to protect - you have a mission but it's not the same kind.  Do you understand?  You back up your team and you listen to your superior officer.  You fucking watch Cap's back."  
  
"Jesus," Clint whispered.  
  
She tried to look at him but her head lolled to the side instead and she wasn't catching as much breath as she needed right now.  There was a flash of movement behind him and she knew it was wrong even if her mind didn't click on the error right away.  She pulled her gun and fired over Barton's shoulder before she could think and the pig-faced man in SHIELD uniform dropped to the floor.  "Pig," she realized.  
  
"That was right in my ear," Barton said, never taking his hands off her wound.  
  
"They look like pigs," Bucky said.  She couldn't hold the gun and it fumbled from her failing fingers.  
  
"SHIELD uniforms but pigs," Maria tried to laugh but her body choked on the attempt.  
  
"Got it," someone said in her ear.  
  
It hurt, breathing hurt, thinking hurt, everything hurt.  "It's good it hurts, Maria, you only stop hurting when you die," she said.  
  
"You're not dying," Clint said.  
  
"That's what I just said," she replied.  "You have the best eyes in the place, you both need to get to work clearing out the place."  
  
Steve's voice was sharp in her ear.  " _Status report, ETA 3 minutes_."  
  
"Base is compromised, enemies are in SHIELD uniforms with swine features," Maria said before Parkinson could chime in.  "Park is in command, no sign of the leader but orders still stand, we need him alive."  
  
" _Casualties_?"  
  
She shook her head at Clint.  "We have injuries but everyone's stable."  
  
" _Then why is Park in command?_ " Natasha asked.  
  
"Barton and Barnes are coming to you, we need this building secured," Maria said.  She hoped her voice sounded steadier over the microphone than it did in her ears.  Fuck.  She pulled the headset from her head and pushed it at Bucky.  "Take this, go."  
  
Medics pushed him away out of her vision but Clint was still holding her guts in, or at least that's what it felt like.  
  
"Fix her," Barton snarled, pushing the medic's hands into place and moving out of sight.  
  
She didn't fight it when she fell this time.  She was still hurting too much to die.  
  
 **repent**  
  
The worst was over before Steve and the others made it to the base.  Tony caught the ringleader with Iron Man's sensors where he was choreographing from the safety of an armored van.  
  
The interior of SHIELD wasn't as neat as the parking lot with bodies of identical piggy imposters still twitching in hogtied lines down the halls.  The smell of gunpowder and blood pumped from the vents and sirens dulled the distant gunfire.  
  
"Captain - Barton and Barnes have the last of them barricaded in the downstairs conference room," an agent said, standing at attention when he stopped in front of them.  
  
"Hawkeye?" Steve called over the comm.  Maria hadn't been on the comm in over four minutes.  Park had been giving the updates and that was wrong in every way.  
  
" _Two more - no - okay, we're clear in here.  Meet us in Medical_."  
  
Medical?  "We have to drop the prisoner off in holding," Natasha said, shoving the shackled villain down the hall.  Steve followed her mindlessly as Tony chattered to JARVIS inside his armor.  
  
Clint and Bucky walked up while Natasha trussed the scientist to the chair.  
  
Steve couldn't stop looking at the smear of blood on Clint's face and Bucky grabbed Steve's arm and wouldn't let go.  
  
"What happened to you?" Steve asked Clint.  
  
"Is that the boss?" Fury interrupted in a low voice, startling them from behind.  
  
"JARVIS is downloading his manifesto right now," Tony answered, opening his mouth to continue but Fury ignored him.  He moved through the door, pulled his sidearm and shot the man between the eyes.  The man slumped against the table, unable to fall out of the chair because of his shackled limbs.  
  
"Oh," Tony said softly.  
  
Fury turned to them, holstering his gun.  "Come with me."  
  
"Sir," Natasha said.  
  
"She's losing a fuckload of blood," Fury said.  
  
" _Maria_ ," Steve realized.  No.  
  
"What happened?" Natasha demanded.  
  
"She took a couple of slugs to the thigh and her side but she was still conscious when she sent us out," Clint said quietly.  "She didn't want us to tell you before we had the place secure."  
  
He turned to Bucky and his friend nodded, his eyes dark with guilt.  "The medics had her, she said we needed to get the building cleared.  She was awake and ordering people around..."  
  
"She's tough, I need you to assist with cleanup until we have this place locked down," Fury said.  
  
"No," Clint said, catching everyone's attention.  "No.  You let Cap stay."  
  
"Barton..." Fury started.  
  
"You let him _fucking_ stay, Nick.  You owe me that, you owe Phil that," Clint said.  "You let him stay."  
  
Fury finally nodded and Clint settled.  "Romanov, I'll take the vents."  
  
"I'll match you in the halls," Natasha said, pausing long enough to squeeze Steve's wrist and remove Bucky's hand from his arm.  "Come on, Barnes, time to show you the ropes."  
  
"I want to stay," Bucky said.  
  
"It'll be faster with all of us," Tony said, catching Steve's panicked eyes.  He didn't even work for SHIELD but JARVIS had scanners that could find the Piggies just as well as the cleanup teams.  
  
He was too stunned to think.  It was like being in the ice all over, stuck in stasis with open eyes.    
  
"Where is she?" Steve asked.  "Fury."  
  
He followed him through another door into an open medical area he'd never seen before.  There were partition curtains drawn but the alarms and barked orders were too loud for it to be a normal triage space.  
  
"Director Fury, she's asking for you," a man in bloody scrubs said from one of the first curtained areas.  
  
Steve pushed past them both to part the curtain.  There was blood on the floor and the pile of bloody sponges and bandages by the bed stuttered his steps.  The medics parted enough for him to see her face, with fluttering eyelids smeared with blood.  
  
He couldn't breathe but he made his way to her side, scrabbling to find her hand.  Her dull eyes found him and she smiled weakly.  "Captain," she said.  
  
"Assistant Director Hill," Steve replied.  She squeezed his fingers with strength that should have reassured him but her hands were too cold.  
  
"More for my collection," she whispered, nodding her chin to a small bottle holding the bloody slugs the doctors had removed.  
  
"Your collection's not a healthy habit, Hill," Fury said, moving to Steve's side.  
  
"Director.  I think I'm going to need some medical leave," Maria said.  
  
"Maria," Fury said softly.  
  
"Don't look at me like I'm dying, Boss," Maria said.  "Doc's not going to let me die."  
  
A doctor working on her gaping side spoke without looking up.  "Of course not, ma'am, I'm not about to make an orphan out of Mittens today."  
  
"Keep Parkinson out of my office, he'll hold it together until I'm patched up."  
  
"Patched up?" Steve scoffed.  She needed more than a patch.  She squeezed his hand and he stopped thinking.  
  
"We've got the nicks sealed up and the transfusion's taking," the doctor said.  "Once she's stable, we'll get her prepped for surgery on that leg."  
  
"Probably chipped another bone.  I hope he put it in the jar with the bullets," Maria said with a huffed wince.  "Hurts like a bitch."  
  
Fury's face was relaxed now, the cold panic in his eye faded to fondness.  He knew the man cared about Maria but seeing it firsthand was unexpected.  Maria squeezed Steve's hand and he returned his attention to her.  
  
"Doctor, I have to go attend to our pig problem but I want Rogers in the room until you take her to surgery," Fury said, facing down the doctor.  "We still don't know how those imposters got in here."  
  
It was a flimsy excuse but Steve was grateful for it.  Maria was going to survive, he'd make sure of it.  
  
"Just keep her distracted, Captain, we want her to stay awake," the doctor said.  
  
"Doesn't hurt.  It's supposed to hurt but they made it numb.  I can feel your hand.  You're warm, always warm," Maria said, relaxing now that Fury had left them.  He squeezed her hand and used his other hand to cup her cheek.  She smiled and relaxed against his palm.  
  
"Everyone okay?  I think I scared our snipers," Maria said.  
  
"You told them to lie to me.  That's number one on the list of things we're going to argue about when you're sewn up.  Number two is the whole getting shot part," Steve said.  
  
"Keep your head in the game," Maria said, shuddering out a sigh.  "And I'm fine."  
  
The doctor shook his head at Steve with a slight eye roll.  "She's lucky, but she's not fine."  
  
"I'm still your boss," Maria said.  
  
"Really?  I thought you were on medical leave, Hill," the doctor replied.  "And you shouldn't lie to Captain America."  
  
Maria winced, squeezing his hand suddenly.  "Shit."  
  
"BP's steady and the surgeon is scrubbed in," one of the nurses said.  
  
She tugged on his hand and he leaned closer so she could speak as privately as the situation allowed.  "I'm not going to say it, but you know, right?"  
  
"Yeah," Steve replied.  He kissed her forehead and she closed her eyes with a tight but honest smile.  "Less than three, M."  
  
She smiled again and a nurse waved an oxygen mask.  "Gotta go.  Don't make me look inept, make the Avengers behave while I'm under."  
  
"Of course, Agent Hill," Steve said.  The nurse had to tug Maria's fingers from his grasp.  
  
The doctor turned to him, stripping off his bloody gloves.  "Damn, guys really had brass balls in the 40's."  
  
"What?" Steve asked.  
  
"You and Hill, Barnes and the Widow.  Superheroes is one thing, but pinning down one of those ladies takes Brass Balls."  The doc gave him a lazy salute and steered him out of the room.  
  
 **hurry up and wait**  
  
Bruce made it town in admirable time considering he'd been several hundred miles away on a meditation retreat.  Steve had been optimistic after his short visit with Maria but he knew Bruce a lot better than he used to and he watched his face closely when he read the medical chart.  It distracted him from the image of the pool of blood left behind when they rolled her away.  
  
"It's been hours," Bucky said softly.  
  
He couldn't be angry with Bucky or Clint for not telling him immediately how bad it was.  It was Maria's call and he understood her reasoning.  Bucky was visibly shaken but it was different.  
  
He was completely lucid, for one, but his eyes were glazed with worry.  Steve wasn't sure if he could deal with Bucky being so close to catatonic right now.  
  
"I'm going to go ask some questions," Bruce said, taking the folder with him as he left.  
  
"Bruce will find out news," Clint said.  
  
Steve turned his attention back to pacing.  
  
"Pigs.  At least Coulson got picked off by a demigod, Hill's not going out because of a pig," Clint said.  
  
"Does this happen to you guys a lot?" Bucky asked in the resulting silence.  
  
"Danger is part of the job," Natasha said.  "Everyone who works here is aware of the risks."  
  
"She wasn't in the field.  This isn't supposed to happen.  This isn't right," Steve said.  "She's a soldier, if she falls, it's supposed to be in battle, not like this."  
  
Bucky grabbed his wrist and yanked him down to sit in the chair beside him.  "You're freaking me out."  
  
Steve tried to settle but he kept thinking about the blood.  She lost so much blood.  "She was supposed to be a dancer."  
  
"Why didn't she?" Clint asked.  He'd been holding watch from the corner, still but regularly vocal as if reassuring everyone that they were awake in this hell together.  
  
"Her father died in Beirut.  She lost two brothers in Desert Storm.  Lost the last two in classified missions.  She enlisted on her way home from the last funeral.  She was supposed to go on tour as a backup dancer but she chose war instead."  
  
"She didn't choose war.  She chose honor," Natasha said.  
  
"She's a soldier," Clint said.  
  
"She's my girl," Steve whispered.  
  
"Damnit, Steve," Bucky sighed, pulling him into a hug with his mechanical arm so he couldn't wriggle out of it.  
  
"I can't." He couldn't breathe, he couldn't scream, he couldn't help.  He couldn't do anything, he's stuck, frozen again.  
  
Bruce stepped in, without the medical chart but Bucky didn't let him pull away.  He didn't know which of them was shaking but the room was vibrating slightly.  
  
"She's out of the woods, they've finished up the surgery.  Tony's in there, he's - SI makes the highest sensitivity laser surgery equipment in the world."  Bruce motioned to his chest.  "The arc reactor doesn't just stick in there, JARVIS does most of the detail work."  
  
"Laser surgery?" Steve asked, pulling out of the hold but not away from his tethering arm.  
  
"The problem wasn't really about the broken bone, it was the femoral artery.  She could have lost her leg," Bruce said.  
  
Bucky shuddered but Steve tried to focus.  "Could have?"  
  
"It was a nick, a few nicks but they caught them in time with the scanners.  They put a couple of screws in her leg and she's going to be in traction for a while but she's going to be all right.  The med staff is too terrified to fuck it up," Bruce added.  
  
"They better be.  Fury executed the guy that hurt her, her protégée is an ex-assassin and her boyfriend's Captain America.  They should be scared to talk to her, let alone slice her open," Natasha said simply.  
  
"Fury killed the ringleader?" Bruce asked.  
  
"Coulson and Hill were always Fury's," Natasha said.  "You don't fuck with Fury's things."  
  
"She's going to be okay?  You're sure?" Steve asked, recapturing Bruce's attention.  
  
He nodded.  "She's going to be fine, Steve, not right away but eventually, she'll be fine."  
  
Those were the words he wanted to hear but they didn't make him feel any better.  There had been so much blood.  
  
 **surface**  
  
She blinked awake slowly, the sounds of the heart monitor and hiss of the oxygen catching her attention first.  Soft snoring.  Wet kisses.  
  
Kisses?  
  
She turned her head to the side carefully, pulling the oxygen mask off her face.  Natasha and Bucky were making out like coeds in one of the plastic chairs.  She saw Steve's feathered blond hair fluttering on his forehead with every snore where he was asleep in the chair beside them.  
  
"So tacky," she said, her words coming out like a croak but immediately catching Natasha and Bucky's attention.  
  
"Maria!" Bucky grinned widely and Steve jerked awake.  Natasha paused, wiping her mouth daintily and disentangling herself from Bucky to fetch a nurse.  
  
Steve was at her side immediately, his big hands hovering across her body, searching before settling to cup her cheek.  "Hey."  
  
"Hey.  Did I get shot again?" She vaguely remembered bleeding and needles and bleeding.  She tested her body and the jarring pain in her side and her - fuck - leg brought the day back to her.  "Fuck."  
  
"Such foul language out of such a pretty mouth," Steve said.  He brushed his thumb over her chapped lips and leaned in for a kiss.  His mouth was warm and welcoming and she didn't care that she had gross breath because he was kissing her.  
  
"Why is it not tacky when you're the one making out?" Bucky asked, successfully ruining the moment.  
  
"Barnes," Maria said.  He looked...steady.  Stable.  
  
He gave her a crooked salute.  "Good to see you awake again, Boss."  
  
She wanted to smile but a dull wave of weariness tugged at her eyelids.  "How long?"  
  
"Few days," Steve answered.  His blue eyes scanned her and there was a spark of fear she didn't recognize behind his eyes.  
  
"Stop it," she said, peeling his hand from her cheek and lacing their fingers.  "I'm still here."  
  
"Guy's been here the whole time, you're lucky Pepper and Natasha tag teamed him into showering this morning," Bucky said.  
  
"Docs are going to want to talk to you.  It took you longer than expected to wake up," Steve said.  
  
"Sleepy.  What's my status?"  
  
"You're going to be off your leg for a while.  Are you in pain?"  
  
She shook her head.  "Fluffy.  They need to notch back the drugs before I float away."  
  
"I won't let you float away," Steve said, sliding his chair over to the bed so he didn't have to let go of her hand.  
  
It was nice not waking up alone.  
  
 **uninvited**  
  
She couldn't bend over without going breathless with pain and she couldn't swing her bad leg with the crutches without her body betraying her and sending her flat.  
  
Walking was important and she felt twice as inadequate in a room full of superheroes when she didn't have the ability to stand on her own.  
  
Steve was her constant, fending off curious agents bringing paperwork for her to sign by glaring at them until they scurried off.  He kept Tony and Barton from coming to blows over Go Fish and he defied Fury to his face when he told her she had to recuperate at HQ.  
  
The Avengers had decided she was one of them, not one of SHIELD.  She wasn't sure how to handle that yet, but The Tower had become her home.  Steve was her home.  
  
She wasn't supposed to feel this way about anyone but she had broken too many rules to try and take back her heart.  She was beyond compromised.  
  
There was a call about cyborgs and waffles in Manhattan and the team had to Assemble but she was content to make the walk, or roll rather, from the medical wing to Pepper Potts' Lexus without an audience.  
  
Maria liked Pepper, they'd shared a lot of bitch sessions when they passed in the Tower hallways and shopping was nice when she could convince Pepper to avoid the triple digit pricetag stores.  
  
Her relationship with Steve was common knowledge at HQ now but Fury hadn't mentioned it and she wondered when the shit would hit the proverbial fan with her job.  
  
She wasn't cut out to be a housewife.  Or any kind of wife.  She wasn't cut out to be anything but a soldier.  And now she was going to be stuck as an invalid for months and probably fired from the best job she'd ever had.  
  
Steve was going to hover.  He worked really hard to hide his urge to comfort her after battles, when she didn't need it, especially when she didn't need it.  She would see him abort his movements to put his hands on her.  The decision to tell the team had been a godsend because Tony would distract them by antagonizing her until the moment would pass.  
  
Louie and Dewey, two of the most senior Stark bodyguards helped her into the wheelchair while Pepper took an extended phone call impatiently by the elevator.  She lowered the phone with a puzzled look when they were all settled on the elevator, Maria's leg and side stabbing with pain by the time the manhandling was over.  
  
"There's a woman in the lobby who claims to be your mother," Pepper said.  
  
Louie whistled.  "That's your ma?  She's scarier than you are, Agent Hill.  I think she made Doris cry."  
  
"Jesus fuck," Maria hissed.  "Hasn't this week been bad enough?"  
  
"Do you want us to send her away?" Pepper hesitated.  The Avengers weren't really known for family ties.  
  
"I'd like to see you try," Maria muttered.  "Fury tried once, threatened to have her arrested and she punched him in the balls."  
  
Even Pepper winced.  "We've secured Steve's floor for medical staff and deliveries, JARVIS, will you bring her up after we get settled?"  
  
"Of course, Ms. Potts," the computer replied.  "Anything we should know?  You don't talk about your mother."  
  
"My mother hates me," Maria answered.  "Four sons and one daughter.  I was supposed to be on her side."  
  
"You should make her a pie," Dewey said.  "My sister brought a girlfriend home and my mom didn't talk to her for months.  She made her a pie that tasted better than my Nana's and everything was cool."  
  
"So pie cures homophobia?" Louie countered.  
  
"Nah, it wasn't the gay part, Ma wants lots of grandchildren and I've been shooting blanks since Bavaria," Dewey shrugged.  
  
"Boys," Pepper sighed, quieting them.  They weren't SHIELD affiliated so Maria couldn't scold them for 'chatter'; but everyone listened to Pepper Potts.  
  
"I forgot about the grandchildren lectures," Maria realized, groaning.  "Do NOT tell her about Steve, she'll start pricking holes in all the condoms in the house."  
  
Pepper was properly alarmed.  
  
 **boxes**  
  
JARVIS called out stats for the medics as they measured out painkillers and checked her bandages.  Pepper helped adjust her pillows to elevate her leg.  
  
"Are you ready?" Pepper asked kindly.  
  
"Fuck it.  Release the hounds," Maria muttered.  
  
Her mother walked in, ignoring the curious nurses and Pepper's attempted introduction.  She was plumper and grayer than the last time she'd seen her in person.  Her brown eyes narrowed on Maria and reached into her massive purse as she walked.  Maria didn't break her gaze, she wouldn't back down to her disappointment.  Her mother pulled out her hand and dropped a handful of silver chains on her chest.  
  
Dog tags.  "No," she said, not willing to read the names and serial numbers branded on the metal and behind her eyes.  
  
"Put them on," her mother ordered.  
  
"No."  
  
Her mother slapped her hard across the face and Pepper gasped.  She raised Maria's head far enough to slide the chains over her hair and around her neck, cold against her skin.    
  
"How dare you," her mother whispered.  She took her face in her hands and kissed her forehead.  Maria closed her eyes, the metal tags heavy on her chest.  "You stupid, beautiful creature, how _dare_ you."  
  
"I'm sorry," she choked out, a sob she didn't know she was holding escaping as her mother wrapped her arms around her.  
  
"You're not sorry.  You're stupid, but never sorry," her mother sighed.  
  
 **collision**  
  
Pepper wanted to see them all in the communal lounge but Steve wanted to see Maria first and the team, sticky and tired, followed him to her floor.  
  
He smiled with relief when he saw Maria sleeping soundly in her own bed without any tubes or machines attached to her.  
  
"Shh.  Shoo, out of here," a woman's voice hissed at him and he was too startled by her presence to argue.  
  
"You will not wake her up.  God, you're all ridiculous - bathroom now."  
  
"Mrs. Hill, uh, nice to see you?" Barton said warily.  Mrs. Hill?  Damn.  
  
Her eyes narrowed.  "Mr. Barton.  Still getting into trouble.  What is all over you, maple syrup?"  
  
"Waffles were involved," Clint said as she tested his sticky hair.  
  
"Ridiculous," Mrs. Hill said.  "You don't need a shower, you need the hose."  
  
Bucky and Steve glanced at each other.  Natasha and Tony had already disappeared from the hallway.  _Cowards_.  
  
"Mrs. Hill?  I'm Steve Rogers and it's..."  
  
"I will shake your hand when you're presentable for a handshake, Captain, until then you will focus on washing your ass before you approach me," she said.  She eyes Bucky's metal arm appraisingly.  "Better clean that thing well or you'll get ants all over the house.  And hurry up, that nosy Brit's sending lunch."  
  
"I am merely attending to Agent Hill's..." JARVIS started.  
  
"Shut it, Jeeves," Mrs. Hill snapped.  
  
Bucky and Clint defected, stuttering that they would use their own bathrooms to clean up and Steve was left with the intimidating woman without backup.  
  
He washed up quickly, but thoroughly, and Maria was alone when he gathered the courage to try and visit again.  
  
He hadn't prepared for meeting her mother.  She didn't talk about her mother often, not enough for him to know what this meant.  
  
Steve sat down on the edge of Maria's bed and catalogued her body to make sure there were no fresh injuries.  He didn't trust that she was okay, not yet, not with the images of her broken body on that table still running on repeat in his head.  
  
"As if I weren't disappointed enough, it had to be you," Mrs. Hill sighed, walking into the room with two cups of coffee.  
  
"Excuse me?" Steve asked.  
  
"Maria doesn't do anything the easy way.  If she doesn't come home to me in a box, she'll come home carrying you in a box," she said.  
  
Steve looked at Maria and saw the cluster of silver tags at her throat.  
  
"I don't plan on burying her any time soon, Captain.  Let her rest and come tell me what you've done to my baby girl."  
  
 **clean**  
  
"They never come back the same," Rose said.  
  
The woman was a pistol, for sure, and she'd politely mocked and judged him for twenty minutes on the balcony before reaching into her purse and retrieving a silver flask to dose her coffee and ordering him to call her Rose.  
  
"Ma'am?" Steve asked when she didn't continue.  
  
"You know what I mean.  Soldiers never leave the battlefield, they carry it with them.  My boys gave their lives before their hearts stopped.  Maria wears it better than her brothers did," Rose said.  "She's better at compartmentalizing it."  
  
Steve nodded.  It was part of the job.  She didn't speak again right away.  
  
"She talks about her brothers.  And her dad.  She loved them.  She loves you, too, I think," he said.  
  
Rose's face softened for a flash before she focused on her coffee.  "She talks about them?"  
  
"Sometimes," Steve replied.  "She doesn't talk about them as soldiers, but brothers.  How Mitch put gum in her hair on school picture day and Paulie gave her eighth grade boyfriend a busted lip."  
  
Rose smiled, huffing out a harsh laugh.  "Jesus.  She must really like you."  
  
"I hope so," Steve replied.  
  
He saw Bucky step into the room in loose sweatpants and hoodie to hide his metal arm.  He glanced around nervously before going to Maria's side.  
  
"Who is he to her?" Rose asked curiously.  
  
"He's my best friend.  He was lost for a long time.  So was I, but he went through things I don't want to imagine.  Maria...she found him for me.  She saved him," Steve said.  
  
Rose watched him.  "She saved him to save you."  
  
"She'd already saved me," Steve replied.  
  
"I can't believe my girl's frogging Captain America.  I bet her father's cheering her on," Rose groaned.  
  
"That's terrifying, Rose," Steve replied.  
  
"Good," she smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics in Chap 4 are from 'Taking Back Sunday'.

 

 

  
_I see it so much clearer_   
_Through the smoke and past the mirrors_   
_Past the bright brutality_   
_Of the people we have been_   
_But you didn't need that explanation_   
_Oh, I had no expectations_   
_I don't wanna talk_

  
_Peel back your skin,_   
_Invite me in._

**coddling**

Maria watched her mother, mesmerized as the woman passed out sandwiches to the team, actually ruffling Clint's hair as she passed.

It was horrifying.

"Your mother is very...Intimidating. I can see her in you," Natasha said, taking the seat beside the bed.

That was worse than horrifying.

"She likes Steve," Natasha said.

"He's a soldier, she hates soldiers," Maria replied.

"I didn't say she liked Captain Rogers, I said she liked Steve," Natasha replied. "She would be coddling you if you would let her."

"My mother doesn't 'coddle', she scolds," Maria said.

"I didn't have a mother," Natasha said. "I find them curious creatures. Maternal instincts weren't programmed into my training. But I observe."

Maria wasn't sure she wanted to know exactly what Natasha observed.

"She holds herself apart from you because that's what you need her to do. Some people need to be coddled, that's how they feel safe. Some people require stability, protocol to follow to restore the balance. She raised a houseful of soldiers, that takes a special kind of coddling," Natasha said.

Maria processed her words but didn't know what to say.

"You should be glad she's not making you talk about your feelings," Natasha said. "She makes you focus on the things that don't matter so you don't have to think about the things that do."

 

**tend**

Maria didn't let her mother help her, she didn't ask the woman for anything no matter how hard she was hovering. But she asked Steve.

His heart flipped each time she curled her fingers at him from across the room or spoke his name under her breath, knowing that he would hear it.

Sometimes she wanted a glass of water, or a steady hand to lift her to her feet. Sometimes she wanted a warm hand to hold, or a shoulder to lean on.

Rose would catch his eyes and smile softly but only when Maria couldn't see.

Steve wasn't going to push Maria to talk to him about the tension between her and her mother. It wasn't his business, not yet.

He loved her. It wasn't like anything he'd ever felt before. He wanted to take care of her, like family, but he wanted to hold her like a lover. He wanted her to have a special smile for him (and she did) and he wanted to be the only person to ever touch her, the only person to ever map her scars.

He had to be careful. He had to take care of the important things this time. He could fight aliens and supervillains and have friends, a lover. He had to make sure they knew were the most important things in his life.

She wouldn't let him say it but he was figuring out how to show her. He thought she was showing him back.

He had to be careful. Tony told him how delicate it was to temper metal, it had to be the perfect temperature before it could be molded into shape.

He couldn't push for more than she was ready to give or he'd lose her.  He could wait.

 

**recoil**

"The Council's given the order. I'm supposed to ask you to step down as Assistant Director. I'm supposed to send you to a SHIELD outpost in Paraguay," Fury said, absently stroking Mittens behind her ears.

Maria knew it was coming but it was bad taste to be fired while on medical leave. A demotion like this was worse than being fired.

"I did everything I could," Fury said. "What do you want to do?"

She didn't want to go to Paraguay, put in proverbial time out. But she couldn't do anything else and she didn't think she could leave Steve behind for her career, no matter the shambles. New York, Steve, had become her home.

Fury sighed. "I don't want to lose you but I've been outvoted to the point that I'm out of options."

"I don't blame you, Nick. I get to call you Nick now," Maria said.

"I haven't told the team yet. They're not going to take it well if they have to get a new liaison," Fury said. He looked toward the window, still petting Mittens. "I'm looking for a way around it."

"I need to think about it. I'll get my resignation ready. I need to think about Paraguay," she said.

Fury met her gaze. "Don't quit SHIELD. I'll figure out a way to keep you here."

"I need to think. Your job's been dangling by a string longer than mine has. I don't trust anyone else to run SHIELD. Don't let The Council put a puppet in your place, especially because of me."

Fury sighed again.

"Priorities," she said. "You know what yours are, I just have to figure out mine."

Fury nodded. "If I can make a suggestion, Maria. Your decision affects more than just you this time. Don't make this be for nothing."

"I know, Nick," Maria replied but she wasn't sure he was talking about the same thing. She didn't want to give up Steve. If she was going to lose SHIELD, she didn't want to lose him, too.

"I have to go but I'll check in later," Fury said, moving Mittens to the bed with a fond ear scritch after she'd settled against Maria's side. "I'll let you know when I find a way around it."

She deflated when the door clicked closed.  Shit.

SHIELD had been the culmination of years of service, hard work and earned promotions. She believed in it, she believed the Earth needed specially trained resources against alien and superpowered enemies.

She didn't want to reenlist in the Marines, she didn't trust the government enough to follow their orders blindly. She'd gotten used to having a say in the battles she chose under Fury.

And then there was Steve. If she chose to stay with SHIELD, she'd be assigned out of the country. Exiled. Steve was a good soldier, he would follow orders. He would expect her to follow orders.

She had never considered a life outside of the military. She figured she'd die with a gun in her hand. She almost did.

Who was she out of uniform?

Her mother stepped into the room, her jacket buttoned and her purse secure.

Maria sat up and carefully swung her legs over the edge of the bed to the floor. Her mother sat down and Maria put her arm around her.

"I'm sorry you had to come but I'm glad you did," she admitted, leaning her head on her shoulder.

"I'll always come," her mother said. "I love you, Maria, no matter how infuriating you are."

"Back at'cha," Maria snorted. "I just got demoted because I'm sleeping with Steve."

She saw the flicker of relief and glee on her mother's face before she settled on pity. "Oh, honey."

"What would Dad think about that?" Maria sighed.

"Stop worrying about the dead," her mother said suddenly. "This is your life, not theirs. You don't have to prove anything to them, or to me. You don't have to be a soldier to be Maria Hill."

"I don't know how to do anything else," Maria said.

"You're a fighter, you'll just have to find another way to fight. Maybe it's time to make your own mission plans. Hopefully with grandchildren included," her mother said.

"Stop it," Maria winced. "You just ruined the whole moment. And you wonder why I don't ask you for advice more often."

"I was upset when you enlisted and I'm sure you have lots of ideas why, but the only thing I could think about was how much our family had already given to this country and you, Maria, were my star. You could be so much more, you could have done anything you put your mind to and you chose to be a soldier. I didn't understand. I wanted you to have more than your brothers got a chance to have. We can love our country and protect its people, but that's not going to keep you warm at night."

"If this turns into a drawn out 'Captain America' joke, I'm going to change my mind about Easter brunch," Maria said. Her mother never talked to her like this, about this.

Her mother smiled and shook her head. "No. But you've been angry at me so long for not understanding your side, but you've never asked what my side was. You're so much more than a soldier, Maria. You can still do anything you put your mind to. Including Captain America."

She swatted at her and her mom laughed.

"I have faith in you, I always have. You've bounced back from everything that's been thrown at you and you'll figure this out, too. You're not a gambler. You knew what was at risk when you started seeing Steve and you did it anyway. You will figure this out and even though you always ignore my advice, I think Steve Rogers was worth it."

Goddammit. He was.

 

**turbulence**

Maria was sitting on the main couch in the lounge when the team shambled in from the latest hybrid attack in Queens.

"Hey, we thought you were working the comms today," Steve said, sitting down beside her and kissing her chastely. He was trying to ratchet down his PDAs since she would be back at HQ soon.

"Change of plans," Maria said. "Can we talk?"

"Ouch, that doesn't sound good," Tony said, taking the cushion on her other side. "Pepper called, says Fury's being weird. Something you need to share with the class?"

Maria's eyes flared with annoyance and Steve got it. "He fired you?"

"Demoted. It wasn't his call. They want to assign me to South America," Maria said.

"They can't do that," Bucky said from behind the couch where he was standing with the others. "Just because you're screwing Steve?"

"Compromised," Maria said.

"Come on, we have to talk," Steve said, reaching for her crutches. He would fight this, he would stop following SHIELD's orders if he had to, he wasn't bound to them officially.

"This affects all of us," Clint protested. "What did he say?"

"Fury answers to The Council and no matter his methods, I don't trust anyone else to give me, or any of you, orders," Maria said.

Steve was glad that the team was so invested in Maria now but he needed to talk to her about this without an audience. It was his fault that she was losing her job. She was being demoted and as a soldier, he knew how much it would hurt her. "Guys, can you give us some privacy?"

Bruce and Natasha cleared out the room before he had to ask again, dragging Tony and Clint reluctantly behind.

Bucky hesitated. "Is it because of me?"

"The Council's actually elated by your progress, it doesn't have anything to do with you," Maria sighed. "They don't trust the Avengers and they need a liaison that's firmly on their side. I'm compromised because I love Steve."

Steve had been waiting for months to hear her say it out loud but not like this, not out loud as the reason she was going to lose everything.

Bucky and Maria didn't seem to notice his reaction. Bucky took a slow breath, glancing between them. "I don't know if I can do this whole 'thing' without you. Steve and Nat, they don't tether me to this reality like you do. You have to stay."

"Bucky," Steve said softly.

"I mean it. I don't want to lose any more friends," Bucky said as he walked away. He thought he glimpsed Natasha waiting for him but he could never be sure with her.

She sighed and leaned against him heavily. "Shit."

"I'm sorry," he said. He folded his arms around her, careful of her still delicate injuries but needing the contact.

"I knew what I was getting into. It's my fault for not getting out of it before...I was compromised. I've been in the military for so long, I don't know how to be a civilian. Or a girlfriend," Maria whispered. "I don't want to go to Paraguay. It's hot and humid and Spanish is my worst language and the water pressure is shit."

"I don't want you to go to Paraguay. I...I don't want to lose you. You make me happy and it's been a long time...God, Maria, I can't ask you to resign but..." Steve started. "I don't want to lose this...but I can't ask you to choose."

"Think Pepper could find me a job at Stark Industries? Surely there are people I could yell at there," Maria snorted.

"You would hate that," Steve said.

"I would hate South America, too. I'm flying a little blind right now and I need to know..."

"Anything," Steve whispered, kissing her cheek.

She narrowed her eyes at him with a glint of amusement. "You don't even know what I was going to ask." She sighed. "I need to know if this...thing we have is steady. Everything's in flux and I'm hoping that what we have can be something I don't have to worry about losing right now."

"I don't want you to lose anything. And I'm definitely not giving this 'thing' up without a fight."

"I'm going to resign now before they can officially demote me. I think I can be okay with that until I can walk without those fucking sticks," Maria said, glaring at the crutches. "I'll find something else to do."

"This isn't right," Steve said.

She smiled. "You know, I thought you'd be pleased to get me off the fire line."

"If I wanted a someone barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, I wouldn't be dating you," Steve replied, running his knuckles down her cheek.

"I won't be a soldier anymore," Maria said.

"You'll always be a soldier," he said. "The team and I will fight for you..."

"Remember my reasons for keeping you away from Bucky at the beginning? They still stand. You guys need SHIELD."

"I don't know how to fix this," Steve said. He laced his fingers with hers. "But we'll figure it out. We deal with threats to human civilization all the time and we'll figure this out, too."

She laughed under her breath and he squeezed her fingers. "Hey. I'm all in, Maria. We got this."

 

**daybreak**

"Pepper," Bucky said suddenly, catching everyone's attention across the smorgasbord of pizza.

"On pizza?"

"Is she here?"

"No," Bucky shook his head and pointed at Maria with his metal finger. "She's going to resign anyway, right? Well, she can be our Pepper," he said to Steve.

"I don't get it," Clint said before Steve could admit it.

"She holds the keys to Tony, nobody gets to him without going through her. She has brunch with Fury twice a week and I'm pretty sure if something happens to him, Pepper keeps all his tech." Bucky wiggled his fingers. "I don't really want the army to get their hands on this thing considering how they treat Banner."

Maria watched him with narrowed eyes but a blank face.

"That's pretty accurate for Pepper, she runs all Tony's interference. She looks out for his best interests more than he does," Bruce said thoughtfully.

"So you want to make her power of attorney?" Clint asked.

"Pepper is Tony's liaison with SHIELD. Maria can be Steve and Bucky's liaison," Natasha explained.

"I don't think that'll pay the bills," Maria said carefully. "I won't play the same part in the action if I'm on call in a civilian capacity."

Tony shook his head, looking up from his tablet. "Not completely true. If Pepper wanted to be in the command center of the Helicarrier, she could be there, she has contracts in place. She probably couldn't order anyone around other than lawyers, but you have a completely different background in place for the lawyers to hook into Fury."

"It's an idea," Steve said after a long beat.

"I'll look into it," Maria said. Bucky beamed at her. Natasha rolled her eyes at him.

"Pretty big commitment," Steve said in her ear. "You sure you're up for it?"

She flicked him an annoyed look but he felt her blush against his lips.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all for the generous kudos and comments!

**Author's Note:**

> Lyric tag via Ben Harper's "Walk Away". Title via Envy on the Coast's "Made of Stone".


End file.
